Who Watches The Watchmen?

I should have cut the crap there, but I was drinking too much.

2009-05-26T11:28:00.006+01:00

Hello!

Longtime and all that gubbins. Anyway, let's get on with things:

Do you like music? I do, and I'm going to talk to you about it now. Happy? Good.

One of the advantages of having an MP3 player, is the rather nifty "shuffle" function. Mostly because now and then, an old track you haven't heard for ages comes on and you get all nostalgic/cringe that you used to like that band. Happily, it was a case of the former, when I heard the mighty Dark Star, one time prog-rock support act of Mansun.

Dark Star: Three men who liked to dress in black.

Dark Star were great. They were a three piece of rather talented men who liked to make bizarre prog/dub/rock music. They may have been on drugs when doing this. I first caught them when they supported Mansun at a gig. I thought they were pretty nifty, so got their album Twenty Twenty Sound.

The album was a mix of rhythms, electro noises and riffs, that all kind of made no sense to begin with, but after time made perfect sense. If that makes sense? The album is short, but sweet, with vocalist Bic Hayes using all manner of effects on his admittedly weak voice, but pulling it off well so it never detracts from the songs. They put effects on the bass, the guitar, in fact they pretty much put effects on everything.

Elsewhere there are lyrics about smoking Silk Cuts, getting lost, and getting lost while singing, liking yourself to Jesus, having an alcoholic Father, suffering from Vertigo, and trying to find out whats up with your mates. Drugs I suspect. Stand out tracks are: Ninety Six Days, I Am The Sun, Graceadelica, and What In The World's Wrong. So you really should check these out, if you're interested.

Also, if you need more evidence they were good, they used to have fairy lights all over their equipment on stage when performing live, and who doesn't like fairy lights?

Moody lighting, eh readers?

Annoyingly, due to lack of support from their record label, Dark Star split and it's members disappeared into musical lore. It's a shame, because they really were rather good. And I'd have liked to have heard more of what they had. You however can track down more info on the band at this fan site, their myspace and finally, good old wikipedia.

To leave things, here are the band performing I Am The Sun live

Stonking.

This is rather good.

2009-05-10T11:11:00.001+01:00

This post was brought to you by Largo Films.

2009-04-26T14:31:00.007+01:00

Wizzing thought the internet, I came across this article about actors and actresses that play characters that die a lot on films. It's quite a good read, and it's interesting to see how many of them actually do get killed off, but I realised that one actor in particular was glaringly missing from this list. The actor in question is Stephen Dorff.

Dorff as Deacon Frost. About to throw kids in traffic.

A while back, my old flatmate and I whilst frequenting our local DVD rental store, discovered that not only does Stephen Dorff appear in a lot of B-Movies, he also dies in a lot of movies. He also appears in a lot of Largo produced films too. Maybe he has some deal with them.

Looking up the IMDB for more info it is staggering to see how many times he's been killed off on celluloid. Check this out: The films and characters that die:

Public Enemies - Homer Van Meter - This isn't out yet, but as he's playing a bad guy, it's a fair chance he dies.
Alone in the Dark - Richard Burke - Blown up, sacrificing himself to save the others.
Cold Creek Manor - Dale Massie - Falls to his death.
FeardotCom - Detective Mike Reilly - Shot dead.
Deuces Wild - Leon - Shot dead.
Cecil B. DeMented - Cecil - Shot. Set on fire. Thrown off a building. All at the same time.
Blade - Deacon Frost - Injected with some anti-blood serum and explodes. Violently.
City of Industry - Skip Kovich - Slowly beaten to death by Karvey Kietel.
Backbeat - Stuart Sutcliffe - Dies of a brain haemorrhage

That's a tally of nine so far, and I'm sure I've missed more. So in conclusion, he dies a lot. Must be in his contract or something. Brilliantly though, he actually survives World Trade Center, despite the odds.

Poor bugger.

If you're so special, why aren't you dead?

2009-04-25T16:33:00.005+01:00

"Feel the beat to the dance floor, you and me, cos that's what it's for. Show me now are you ready, you gotta be doing it, cos the music in the house" - Warrior's Dance

Here at Watchmen towers, it's fair to say we like silly dance music. And one of the best silly dance music pioneers is The Prodigy. They make BANGIN CHOOONS man. Or something. Sadly, it looked like recently that the band had peaked, gotten old and were going into decline. The last album, Always Outnumbered Never Outgunned, was a strange beast. Basically a Liam Howlett solo album, it was half full of some great songs, but also contained some really really crap ones.

The Prodigy: Keith Flint, Liam Howlett and Maxim

Most of the press had written them off as past it, but luckily, the band regrouped, took stock and decided to go back to basics. What they returned with was Invaders Must Die.

Invaders Must Die is a stonking album. Its also one of their shortest albums, packed with dirty guitar riffs and the usual beats, it also has a reappearance of the silly keyboard riffs and breaks that would standout from their early songs. It seems the band have remembered that their music can and should just be fun. They have also thankfully made some more uptempo songs, which is helpful if you're on the dance floor or driving really fast.

It's obvious that the band have looked back on their history and melded the best bits of all their works - namely loud drums, Casio keyboards and a filthy guitar riff, with Maxim and Keith sharing vocal duties on the occasional track. But if it isn't broke, why fix it? The band seem to have remembered that instead of being known as controversial, they should be known as simply making great dance music. And where their rivals have failed due to getting rubbish (Daft Punk) or running out of ideas fast (Pendulum) the Prodigy have succeeded in staying fresh and energetic.

The album hurtles along at a breakneck pace, never outstaying it's welcome. The key standout tracks would be World's On Fire, Warrior's Dance, Invaders Must Die (the title track) and Stand Up.

The first time I heard any of the new material before the album was at T in the Park, where I saw the band perform a few of the new songs with the old hits, the strange thing was, the new stuff seemed better than their old hits. So I had high hopes for the album. Thankfully, these hopes have not been shattered.

To end with, here is the footage of the band performing World's On Fire at T in The Park.

Awesome.

It's like it's RIGHT THERE

2009-04-21T08:48:00.007+01:00

Last night we saw Monsters Vs Aliens. A film that tells you all you need to know straight from the title alone. Way way back I claimed that this film would be great purely cos of the name, and well I'm happy to say I was correct.

It's one of those computer animated films, in the ilk of Toy Story and other Pixar greats, as in it's all CGI animation. Which to be fair has kinda outstayed it's welcome in my view. Animation can be anything and still be good, it doesn't have to be fancy CGI to entertain. Anyway, rant over.

The film is awesome fun. It's not going to win any awards, or be claimed as groundbreaking, but what it does have (comedy) it does have in spades. The animation is of course smooth and detailed, but its the characters and the look of the characters that make this film work. Its not loaded with pop culture references, it's just telling a story and having fun.

Insectasaurous. Big, fuzzy, not good with bridges.

It's worth going to see, but if you are gonna catch it at the cinema, go and see it in all amazing 3D. You may look a twat in the glasses, but the effects are great and really enhance what you're watching. And let's be honest, no one's gonna be looking at you ~~anyway~~ in a darkened cinema, right?

3D Glasses: Not cool.

Cowboy Noir

2009-04-17T08:15:00.013+01:00

So, last night I trekked into London Town to see The Bookhouse Boys play live at the Bush Hall in Shepherd's Bush.

The Bookhouse Boys. One of these people may in fact not be a boy.

I first caught The Bookhouse Boys supporting The Raveonettes last year. I had never heard of them, but they piped my interest quickly. (And let's face it, when a band takes its inspirations from David Lynch films, it's hard not to like them) The band are a massive nine-piece of brass sections, percussion and dirty guitars. The also have a ridiculously hot female singer, so naturally I liked them.

The two main singers of the band; Catherine Turner and Paul Van Oestren.

After the support gig I tracked down their album, cunningly titled "The Bookhouse Boys" and soon became an admirer of their stuff. So when I heard of them headlining their own gig, I thought I'd pop along.

The gig was at Bush Hall, which is this bizarre little Jazz Club, yes, Jazz.. but it wasn't as horrific as you'd think. Bush Hall itself is this tiny tiny venue lit by HUGE chandeliers. The stage is about the size of a matchbox, so fitting nine people plus instruments was quite the challenge I'm sure. I would show you some photos of the venue, but sadly the Official Watchmen Photographer had the worst camera in the world and didn't take anything remotely worth showing.

The band were I'm pleased to say good on the night, playing most of their back catalogue, opening with Luca The Brave (a spaghetti Western style instrumental, sounding a lot like "The demise of Barbara and the return of Joe" from Kill Bill 2) and closing with my favourite song of theirs; I Believe. The band describe themselves as "Cowboy Noir", but I think they're closer to Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds with surf guitar influences. But what the hell do I know.

Anyway, they are good and you should listen to them, for that would make them happy. As seen here;

Marvellous

You can listen to their music at their MySpace if you're interested.

Apropos of nothing.

2009-04-12T21:46:00.000+01:00

AMAZING.

Links to somewhere

2009-04-12T19:03:00.004+01:00

LINKS!

This looks awesome and reminds me of the scene in The Prestige. Electricity is ace.
And this is a rather good drawing too. Robots + A Team = new levels of amazingness.
And finally, who in their right mind thought that this would be a good idea? I mean really. Spider-man 3 was one of the worst films EVER. I think I even had a biblical sized rant about how crap it was. You can read that here. I stand by everything I said then. Spider-Man 3 sucks. This Venom movie will suck too.

Eyethankyew.

"What's a Herd?"

2009-04-07T11:15:00.005+01:00

And so, in the quest for distraction, we turn to The Walking Dead. I've talked about this amazing comic series before, and now it's time for a recap.

Be warned; Spoilers aplenty follow:

When we last left The Walking Dead, the series had just finished a long drawn out and brutal arch - The Inhabitants of the Prison vs the people of Woodsbury. This series showed a number of things; one that people were far more dangerous than zombies, and that two; writer Robert Kirkman is messed up. By the end of the arch, 80% of the main cast of characters were decimated and gone. The prison was lost and all seemed over. I was intrigued to see where this comic could go next.

The answer? Madness, and reestablishing the threat of the zombies.

After losing his wife, baby girl and most of his friends, ever the shat upon hero Rick Grimes, now minus a hand, his family and some of his marbles, must now protect his son Carl. On foot with limited supplies and zero protection, Rick and his son must reply on their wits and ability to stay quiet.

The next few issues dealt with the fallout of the Prison massacre - Carl became introverted and through a series of encounters, more capable of looking after himself and his dad. Rick however began to (understandably) lose it. There is only so much a mind can take before it starts to crack, and for a while it looked like Rick was going to go fruitloops.

After a lull in action and a lot of dialogue heavy issues, the comic seemed to be getting dull. But recently things have picked up; Rick and Carl have finally met up with the remains of their old companions at Hershal's Farm. They stay there and regroup for a while and try to plan their next stage. Here they encounter some new survivors; A ex military solider, a scientist and a civilian, claiming to be heading to Washington and the cause of the zombie epidemic. With no real direction left, Rick and the others choose to go with them.

The new cast of characters. Odds on that most of these people will not make it to issue 70.

The comic then follows the group on their travels where they bond and argue about their situation and direction. So far they have encountered more zombies, Dwayne and Morgan from the first issue, hillbilly rapists and finally.. a herd.

I last left the series with Rick, Carl, Abraham the solider, and Morgan, on foot trying to run from hundreds of zombies, with little ammunition and method of transport. What happens next? Death and more death I expect.

More info here

This isn't about Catatonia.

2009-04-05T14:59:00.008+01:00

Over at Watchmen Towers, we've had a lot of time to kill, and a need to distract ourselves. Looking for things to do, we stumbled upon an old collection of DVDs - namely X-Files DVDs and this got us thinking.

Remember when The X-Files was genuinely cool? We do. It was awesome. It was the last TV show I actually cared about and followed weekly. Of course, the series made the mistake of believing it's own hype and went on for about 6 series too long. But in the beginning, when it first started, it was interesting, intelligent TV. And Gillian Anderson is HOT.

The X Files centered around a couple of FBI agents, one; Mulder; an almost rabid paranoid conspiracy theorist and the other, Scully; a rational skeptic. Both approaching cases from two very different viewpoints. Each week, they'd be sent to investigate strange goings on, and usually they'd fail to solve anything, or come up with any answer as to what caused it. In hindsight, these two agents, though intelligent and capable, never really solved anything. A bit rubbish really.

I liked the show in this format, but unfortunately, two annoying elements would begin to take hold and affect the overall story and quality of the show. These two things were:

The Alien Conspiracy:
In the beginning of the show, it was explained that Mulder's sister was abducted by persons unknown when he was a teenager. That was his incentive to join the FBI and to run the X Files. To find his sister and find out what happened. This was fine, and a good start point. Unfortunately, the writers would then weave the "Alien conspiracy" storyline into more and more episodes, but each time changing the facts and information. It was as if they couldn't make up their minds, or disagreed with what the previous writer had written. Just when you thought you knew what was going on, a few weeks later, they change it completely and twist it further, till it just got annoying and deeper into absurdity and improbability. This bogged the show down and killed the interest for me, much like Lost did years later.

Mulder and Scully's "Relationship"
Mulder is male, Scully is female. Thus they must have some underlying tension and need to screw each other. Cos that's not cliché right? At the start of the show, in the first few episodes, they didn't really like each other and were frustrated by the others believes, this eventually started to grow into a respectful trusting partnership. But no, the fans and the writers demanded that the two fancy each other and would eventually get together. This again bogged things down and made it more into a soap opera than a drama show.

As these two plot elements took more hold, so my interest waned and I stopped watching. I caught the last ever episode and the first movie and concluded I'd left at the right moment, for the film and conclusion was dire.

I only own the first three series. The quality control on the first and second series is top notch, but takes a dip on the third series before falling off completely on the rest of the shows life. The show is dated (It's over 10 years old now) but the writing and the stories are sound. Some of my favourite episodes are Ice (even though it royally ripped off The Thing) Tooms, Darkness Falls, Deep Throat, Shadows, Shapes, and The Erlenmeyer Flask. Series Two had the brilliant Die Hand Die Verletzt, Humbug, The Calusari, Soft Light, and Our Town. Some of the stories had real bite to them, and I remember being properly shocked at the death of Deep Throat. Sometimes, things did get silly though, and there were only so many times that Scully could be knocked out, or arrive too late to see the alien/ghost/monster before it just got ridiculous.

Whether the X Files will return as another film or not I don't know. If I'm honest, it's well past it's sell by date and too caught up in its own stories to make anything fresh. Shame, as for a while, it was one of the best shows on TV.

To end things, let's have a look at Gillian Anderson as the mighty Agent Scully, and remember the good times

Booya.

It'll be alright and ever so nice

2009-03-29T17:55:00.004+01:00

Ah Britpop. I love you so. Britpop for a time churned out a lot of awesome music. It also churned out a lot of shit. But that's neither here nor there. Today we'll look at one of the good ones.

Suede were great. Controversially, I prefer their later stuff as opposed to their early bits and bobs with Bernard Butler. That's not to say I don't like Bernie (some of his stuff is cracking)I just liked their later songs.

Songs like Film Star, Trash, Beautiful Ones and She's In Fashion all rock my world. Of course, Suede fucked it all up and split, but at least for a time, they made awesome songs. From the remains of Suede came The Tears, who had a few good tunes such as Autograph and Lovers, and then solo careers ahoy. Brett Anderson went on to do not much, and Bernard Butler went on to make great songs and then produce.. Duffy. Eeep.

I leave you with one their best songs and saddest moments: Saturday Night. Eagle eyed viewers will notice Keeley Hawes looking glamorous, whilst eating chips. Woof.

And for the record, Film Star is one of the best songs to strut to EVER

V for Very Good.

2009-03-22T18:48:00.001Z

Ella Ella Ella

2009-03-22T17:52:00.004Z

So, Umbrella Academy Volume two rumbles on, and what a great series it is.

I wrote about the Umbrella Academy ages ago when it first came out. There was a lot of curiosity about the book, mainly caused by the fact it was written and conceived by Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance. Now, let's get some things straight; yes I like My Chemical Romance, and yes, I'm fine with you hating them. But if someone writes music you don't like, that doesn't mean you won't like something they write in a different medium, ok? GOOD.

The first series of Umbrella Academy was a real treat and won a lot of awards in the comic industry, and rightly so. So when the second series was announced, many people including myself wondered if this potential would carry on. Short answer: YES.

Umbrella Academy: Dallas is a great read. The team are in a mess; Spaceboy, satisfied from saving the Earth has gotten fat and lazy, Kraken is AWOL, The White Violin is paralised from a bullet wound to the head, Rumour cannot speak, Seancé is drunk on fame and No.5.. well No.5 has been a very bad boy indeed. And who are the mysterious men appearing wearing red and yellow overalls and gas masks?

I'm on issue 4 so far, with issue 5 soon to appear. So far a lot of people have been killed, mainly down to the handy work of No.5 and two time traveling assassins known as Hazel and Cha Cha. Who are frickin nuts. God has also made an appearance, as Bob Dylan dressed as a cowboy, obviously. We have two more issues to go and I have no idea what is gonna happen next, one thing I'm sure of is that No.5 is a fucking riot.

The Beat Dies?

2009-03-22T16:52:00.006Z

So, news spreads on the internet that Jimmy Chamberlain, possibly one of the greatest drummers EVAH has departed from the reformed Smashing Pumpkins. .

No reason has been given so far, but this seems extremely odd. Billy and Jimmy pretty much are the sound of the Smashing Pumpkins, and over the last few months have talked about being "Stronger than ever" and other such cliché guff.

When Zeitgeist came out, I thought it was a big old pile of rubbish, with the one exception of Tarantula, the album was terrible. No tunes, no originality, no melody. It was just crap. I was really disappointed with it. Now that Jimmy is gone, there is just Billy Corgan left, and though Billy Corgan is a genius, he also has the reputation of being an utter twat, and has recently been cracking up on stage and having arguments with fans. Maybe this is the reason Jimmy left? Or maybe Jimmy just realised the new music sucked. Who knows, maybe the truth will come out. But for now, for me, the Pumpkins are dead. They exist only in name, and that's it.

Shame.

For now, here is the band when they were all together and creating the best music in the universe:

Elsewhere, I've been listening a lot to the mighty and brilliant Raveonettes. I think the mix of retro sound, fuzzy guitars and twin singers, and the right amount of doomed romance really appeals to me. This song is my current favourite of theirs, probably because its awesome, possibly because it makes me think of people*

*Hark! Elusive mystery!

Redux

2009-03-19T10:15:00.002Z

Hi there.

I think I may bring this back.

I miss rambling, and I'm bored of Facebook/Twitter and the like. One thing Blogger and Wordpress for that matter have is ~~less people telling me about quizzes they've taken or horrific pictures of them in the toilet~~ more room to ramble. And I'm all about the rambling.

Maybe we'll start a new, and maybe I'll get bored again. One thing though is I'd like to make this all a lot more attractive. This of course means I'll have to learn some HTML wizardry and that means effort and well, I'm lazy.

Did you miss me? I bet you did.

Start over

2008-10-29T17:03:00.003Z

So, I really did well with my promise to write more didn't I?

I haven't forgotten you. If it's any consolation, the reason for lack of posting is basically life got busy. Work from three angles has just demanded my attention. But soon, soon, things will be less busy and I'll try and restart this thing again. Or maybe not.

I've seen all the pictures, I've studied them forever.

2008-08-06T23:10:00.001+01:00

Have you tried talking to a corpse? It's boring.

2008-07-30T18:26:00.005+01:00

Amongst the video/DVD collection of the Watchmen, there lies some rare gems. There also lies a lot of crap, but that's neither here nor there. But one of the best is the quite brilliant An American Werewolf In London. I first watched this film years ago when I was way below the age certificate and still wearing Spider-man pajamas. (last week you mean? - Ed) suffice to say, it scared the heebyjeebez out of me, and haunted my dreams for quite some time. But, I soon watched it again and again, loving the scares, the effects and the comedy of the film.

"It's circling us. Aah fuck."

The film concerns the misadventures of two American tourists; David and Jack, who on their way to Italy, take a detour through England and its moors. This proves to be a very very bad idea. The two find themselves in the small village of East Proctor. A village seemly without any females, bar the standoffish barmaid. Soon, the two hapless Americans outstay their welcome in the local pub and set off on their travels again in the night, heading a warning of "Beware the moon, and stay off the moors" But there is a full moon out.. Soon, they find themselves lost on the moor, far from anything except a very big hungry wolf.

Warning: lots of violence, bloodshed and explicit language follows. Naturally.

David soon finds himself in a hospital in London, seemingly ok. But if he's ok, why does he keep dreaming about running naked through the woods? And why does his recently deceased friend Jack keep appearing in front of him with dire warnings about what will happen to David at the next full moon?

I watched this film the other night again, and it still holds up as a great movie. The storytelling and acting are top rate, it's a shame a lot of the cast, bar Jenny Agutter, didn't go on to greater things. Griffin Dunne as the sarcastic Jack is especially good, even when ripped to shreds and progressively rotting throughout the film.

Griffin Dunne, could have been Two Face y'know.

One of the best things about this film is it hardly ever shows you the Werewolf itself. You see the transformation, and you see occasional shots of its mouth, but you never truly see the full wolf for more than a few seconds and that's mostly at the very end of the film.

One of my favourite scenes is when David wakes from a nightmare to have some breakfast only to see his friend Jack appear in front of him. Jack of course is very dead and has half his face missing. But of course, this doesn't damper Jack's perky nature at all.

If you haven't seen this film, then do so - for it may be 20 years or so old, but the transformation scene is still amazing and you'll enjoy laughing and then getting scared shitless. You'll also always think twice about using Tottenham Court Rd underground station ever again.

More info at IMDB and the official website

And remember, there is nothing mediocre about Debbie Klein's body.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

2008-07-29T18:54:00.009+01:00

Long time no speak eh?

I'm sorry. I'm really really truly sorry. I've neglected you . I'd like to say the reason for lack of blogging action was down to my rock and roll secret agent lifestyle - taking down evil villains and sleeping with ridiculous amounts of incredibly attractive women, but that my friends would be an outright LIE.

Truth be told, I just got lazy and occupied with work elsewhere and other gubbins that ruin your day.

But things must go on, and indeed they shall.

But where do we begin?

First of, The Dark Knight. Ah yes, The Dark Knight. The new Batman fillum. The film that's got a million fanboys (and girls) and movie critics going apeshit - mostly about how dark it is! and Health Ledger should get an Oscar!!1! and HOW FRICKING DARK IT IS!!!1!1! and it's so well written! etc.

But of course, naturally, you have all been sitting on the edge of your seat, anxiously thinking "Well, who cares about these mentalist comic fans, what the hell does the Watchmen think? Well, brace yourself, cos this film is good. But it's not *that* good.

Be warned: spoilers a plenty here:

Good things:

The Joker. Yes, yes, you've heard it all before, but he really is brilliant in this. The character is absolutely mental, and you really wouldn't want to meet him ever, cos he'd cut your face up/feed you to your dogs/kidnap your girlfriend and blow her up/fire a rocket launcher at your car/set fire to everything you own. This Joker is not fun, this Joker is fricking crazy. Ledger does a great job, and in only one scene can you actually make out it's him under all that make-up.

The Joker - a "makeup on when asleep" kinda guy.

Two Face/Harvey Dent. For me, my favourite character in the film. Aaron Echart is great in this role. As Harvey Dent, he comes across conflicted, yet driven, and three dimensional. Even knowing how things will end up for him, you hope they don't. Yet they do, and when he becomes Two Face, it is believable, and understandable how losing your girlfriend and having half your face burned off can really really piss you off.

Harvey, with a scab only a gun can itch.

The Batpod. When I first saw this I thought "Hmmm, that looks stupid" but now it makes perfect sense. The Batpod when it appears, kicks total ass. It's AWESOME. Due to the Batmobile having a slight 'issue" with a rocket launcher, Batman needs a new method of transport, and that is a turbo bike that is conveniently hidden in the front of the Batmobile. It hooks trucks, does 360 degree turns on walls, and blows stuff up. Lots of stuff. Bit nasty at avoiding people though..

Bad Things:

Batman's voice. It just sounds dumb. I understand the point behind it, but it still sounds like Bruce Wayne has been smoking 40 a day and needs a throat sweet. It just doesn't work.

Rachel Dawes: Katie Holmes was in the first one and got recast. Maggie ~~Gillen~~ ~~gyllan~~ ~~Jillanhall~~ whateverhernameis doesn't do anything different in the role. But she's surplus to requirements really, the whole point of her character is to GET KILLED. Yes! They kill her off. And quite spectacularly too. For it's her getting blown up into lots of little pieces that causes Harvey to go radge. I'm glad she's gone, for she was a bit naff.

Batman in Hong Kong. Yeah, that's just dumb.

The sonar vision sequence. Inconsistent and silly. Night vision would have been just as suitable, and less CGI naffness.

Chances of a sequel: Well to be honest, I can't see them topping this film. It's well written, it's well paced, and ties up all the lose plot threads by the end of the film. the only problem? Well, half the characters are dead (Harvey/Two Face and Rachel) and of course, Heath Ledger is dead, so no Joker for part three. So where do they go from here?

They could bring back The Scarecrow again, for he is terribly underused in this film, or they could introduce a new villain.. but who? My bet is The Riddler. But will they have enough story and time to introduce a new character and give him the depth and purpose of the previous films?

The other problem is, this film is so well made, they have already raised the bar for themselves to an extraordinary level. Could they top it with a sequel? Do they even want to? Time will tell.

So in closing, the film is good. It's great. Is it Oscar material? I don't think so. It still has some massive plotholes and the sonic vision sequence is silly. But that doesn't stop it from being a tense smart thriller. So go watch it already.

Also, elsewhere, the trailer for The Watchmen came out, and it looks awesome. But the thing that got me the most about the whole trailer? Not the visuals, or the actors... no, it was the fact they used a Smashing Pumpkins track as the soundtrack. Specifically The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning - which is awesome, and made me wet my fanboy pants. Because Billy Corgan is some kind of God. An angry misunderstood inconsistent God, granted. But a God nonetheless.

Billy C - a smug git.

EDIT: Jeeeeezus, looking at the previous post to this.. I really lied there didn't I?

Like her name is MARY, you moron.

2008-06-05T17:45:00.004+01:00

Hello all.

Sorry about the downtime recently. Things will improve. Honest.

The new Indiana Jones movie is all shades of shit. But we must move on, and let the pain go. (yes, let's - Ed) The poster however was good. That's because it was drawn by the artists Drew Struzan. You may recognize his work. Talking of Indiana Jones, here is a nice analysis of the visuals of Raiders of The Lost Ark, and good it is too.
Somewhere else, Karl Hungus waxes lyrical on when movie remakes are actually, shock horror, very good. He may have a point.
The first rumblings of production on The Hobbit have begun. Whatever the results, it'll be interesting to see.
The trailer for Righteous Kill, the new movie starring Robert DeNiro and Al "THAT'S A GREAT BIG ASS" Pacino is here. Hmmm. Call me cynical, but does it give away who the killer is?
Films are made by studios. Studios have a habit of changing parts of films to meet market demographics, or tie ins. This usually ruins the film. A list of some terrible last minute studio changes can be found here.
And my new favorite website of the moment is the cunningly self explanatory titled"Photoshop Disasters". Awesomeness.
Robocop 3-D?! ?!!
Lots of The Dark Knight advertising goodies.
Empire Magazine quite rightly states why Die Hard is one of the greatest films ever.
Watchmen faves UNKLE are the soundtrack to EURO 2008
And finally, an article as to why Hollywood seems to hate M. Night Shyamalan

No. But thanks for asking.

2008-05-25T19:55:00.000+01:00

Adored your picture a thousand times.

2008-05-25T17:13:00.005+01:00

Hello everyone, here are some nice things:

Emma Hack, and artist from Australia, paints some mighty body art. I've done body art before, and it can take aaaaaaaaaaages, so this is most impressive. (slightly NSFW)
In the time of CGI and green-screen, the stuntman's work has become slightly forgotten. This is a bad thing, as stunts not only are impressive, but have a very REAL quality to them, that just can't be faked. Here is a list of some of best.
Zombies. You love them, I love them. So why not play this all exciting new game? But not too close to my house, cos I will make busy with my Anti Zombie Device™ And you don't want that.
Like cars? Like Movie Cars? Here is a list of the 50 best movie cars ever. Or Something.
Pimp my NES Controller.
Ooo looky, a new Dark Knight poster. I like.
A frankly awesome Film Noir Tribute from Annie Leibovitz
What's it like to work for Disney as a theme park character? Very shit apparently.
And in the words of Lt Frank Drebin: "Nice Beaver"

Enjoy.

Indiana Jones and The Quest For More Money™

2008-05-23T06:23:00.009+01:00

So, the fourth Indiana Jones movie is upon us; Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, a whole 20 years after the last installment. And luckily, we got to see it. The question is, did we need to?

The last Indiana Jones movie, The Last Crusade, pretty much ended the films nicely. Indy was reunited with his father, they stopped the Nazies, saved the grail, and rode off literally into the sunset. It tied up the loose ends, and gave us a good send off. And after all, it was called "the Last Crusade" Did it warrant another film? And did that film need to be made 20 years later, when the star was well into retirement?

The answer is basically.. no. Not only did it not warrant being made, but the film is one of the worst films I've ever had the misfortune to see.

(beware, spoilers aplenty follow)

The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a terrible film. Not only does it make little sense, it isn't really a Indiana Jones film. The beginning sequence starts off like Caddyshack. I'm not joking here. There is a terrible CGI Gopher that keeps appearing. For what reason? I have no idea.

Jones soon appears, and he like the star who plays him, has aged. Ford looks in pain when he walks, and it's obvious he can't run properly anymore. Soon he finds himself in a giant Warehouse, just so happens to be the same Warehouse where the Ark ends up at the the end of Raiders Of The Lost Ark. And where is this warehouse situated? In Area 51 my friends. Yes, that's right, Area 51. And if your alarm bells are starting to ring here, it's with good justification.

Soon, Indy is using iron filings to find a magnetized crate. The magnet is so strong, the filings in the air are attracted to it. Except the lights, and anything else metal aren't. Until you take the magnet out of its box of course. Does that makes sense? No, it doesn't, does it. But don't worry, in about 5 mins, the filmmakers forget it's magnetized and suddenly nothing else is attracted to it for the rest of the sequence.

10 mins after this, Indy survives a direct Nuclear Bomb blast, by sitting in a lead lined fridge. Yep. You read that right. The fridge is also blown several miles in the air and over rocky ravines, but when it lands, Indy walks out like he just fell out of bed. At this point, I was ready to start punching people.

Soon, Shia LeBeuf is introduced and it's obvious from the moment he appear's that he is Indy's son. They even call him "Mutt" like, after a dog. Do you SEE?!!11!!

Supporting cast, like Ray Winstone and John Hurt appear and serve little purpose. John Hurts character spends 95% of his screen time mumbling looking like he's on LSD. The character could have been played by anyone. He brings nothing to the film. Marion returns, looking old and tired and again, doesn't warrant the return.

Then the motley gang of adventures arrive inPeru, to stop the evil Ruskies from returning a Crystal Skull to a Inca temple. The Skull, again a very powerful magnet, looks kinda like an aliens head. Hmmm. It couldn't could it? That'd just be silly. Again, the skull is highly magnetic, but that's ok, cos when Joh Hurt puts a cloth over it, the magnet stops.

!!

The adventures then must escape some shocking CGI ants, LeBeuf swings through some vines a la Tarzan and catches up with some cars. The gang go over three giant waterfalls without losing their hats, and then negotiate some temple that seems made and included purely for the merchandise range.

And then something weird happens. Suddenly, Indiana Jones becomes the X Files.

It turns out that Aliens helped the Inca's and Mayans create their civilization. Hang on, didn't we see that in ALIENS VS PREDATOR?! Lucas and Spielberg are ripping off that god awful film?! And then... ALIENS APPEAR. That's right, spindly aliens appear, and turn the temple into a "dimension jump" and destroy the whole place. Indy and his gang escape, and then watch as a giant UFO takes off from under the temple and flies off. Just like the X Files movie, in the worst case of CGI ever committed to Celluloid.

Then Indy marries Marion, and they all live happily ever after.

The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a horrible film. It makes little sense, has no believable moments and the lack of continuity is shocking. It reeks of cash in, selling out and the sound of old filmmakers with no fresh ideas trying to make a new buck. It says a lot when most of the film rips its ideas from films like The Mummy, and Alien Vs Predator. Two questionable films anyway. Infact, The Mummy is far more enjoyable than this trash.

There was no reason to make this film. There is no development, no worthwhile point. Gone is the dry humour, gone is the slapstick. Instead you have terrible gags that even The Chuckle Brothers would consider ropey. There are moments... moments where you think ti's going to get good. But then it quickly goes south. For about 20 mins the film feels like an Indiana Jones movie, then it just becomes a shambles. Aliens have no place in an Indiana Jones film. It's just total total crap.

Don't let anyone tell you this is a good film. Do not under any circumstances watch this film. Just buy the original on DVD and watch them. Better yet go and watch Iron Man.

It's hard to believe Steven Spielberg made this film.

No more time outs.

2008-05-18T20:35:00.002+01:00

Sorry about the lack of action lately. Real life has got in the way.

Things will begin again soon

...What?

2008-05-05T18:03:00.001+01:00

I don't even know where to start with that.

These must be our scars.

2008-05-04T11:55:00.006+01:00

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Lots and lots to run through today. First things first. There is a new Dark Knight trailer. And it is here. Go lookie.

As with all the teasers that have been released so far, this film looks glorious. I wasn't massively impressed with Batman Begins - yes it was good, but I still felt like there was problems with it. But everything I've seen so far of The Dark Knight looks great. Ledger looks note perfect as the Joker - hopefully this will carry through the whole film. My only problem with him so far is he really really does look like a more colourful Crow, dontcha think?

(Brandon lee as The Crow, or The joker in black and white?)

Aside from that, well, he looks great. As expected with trailers, you always get some great clips to build up anticipation - that's their job, but more than often you see the finished film and feel cheated. (Transformers/Spider-man 3 anyone?)

I really hope this isn't the case with this move. But from everything I've seen and read so far, they really have thought this one though. And if the trailer does give away a bit too much of the plot and focuses heavily on the Joker, then this little two second shot of Two Face makes up for it:

Harvey Dent looks like he's having a very bad day.

The previous shot of Dent with his face pressed against what looks very much like Gasoline may be a hint as to just how he becomes one of Batman's enemies.

You can view that and more stills of the trailer in glorious high quality here. Dunno how long they will be up though, so best go quick. There have also been some more posters released for the film, you can view them here

Things are looking very good indeed. Roll on July.

Elsewhere:

If movie posters were viewed by kids and dumbed down, maybe they'd look something like these
The BBC asks when "Does Kinky Porn become illegal?" Marvelous.
Gigwise has a list of the best and worst musicians in movies
Some movie fans state why Will Smith should really change the formula and play a bad guy for once. Talking of Smith, here is the new trailer for the upcoming Hancock. Which contains a scene with a whale that still makes me laugh.
Maxim has an excellent feature on True Romance, which is one of the best films ever ever EVAH.
And Karl Hungus asks if it's time for American animation to grow up. The answer is a long over due Yes.
Erm X-Men 4? really? I hope not.
And to end things, here is the next trailer for The Happening. It's looking good.

STUFF. FROM. THE INTERNET.

2008-04-25T20:50:00.003+01:00

So, to round up a long and fruitful week, here is a batch of links from the net that sparked my interest for various reasons

~~Sin City 2~~ The Spirit finally has a teaser poster and trailer. Yeah, it looks fancy, but this is nothing like the original Will Eisner comics. It's EXACTLY LIKE SIN BLOODY CITY. Jesus, I know that looked good, but why turn a completely fine idea into a copycat mess? Maybe it'll be good. Maybe it won't. It just doesn't interest me so far.
A Star Wars nerd spends an awful amount of time telling us about the greatest 5 seconds in movie history. I say MEH.
Elsewhere in the world of Batman, someone goes over Bruce Wayne's politcal beliefs and the next poster to The Dark Knight is revealed. The previous ones were better.
Some pretty good reasons why no one should ever ever EVER fly in a plane, thanks to movies.

That's it, I'm done. Enjoy the weekend.

And you can walk yourself home

2008-04-21T18:44:00.013+01:00

Now, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in 2006, I did a feature about the mighty Cooper Temple Clause, mainly going on about how great they ~~are~~ were and what songs to check out. I also wrote about the anxiety of the upcoming third album, and whether it was going to be any good.

Luckily it was. Infact, it was very good indeed.

Make This Your Own was released to little fanfare and public response. This was to be expected really; the band had been out of the limelight for a few years, and both tastes and the music press had moved on to the current fads and trends of the moment.

The album however, was far from a disappointment. Even though the band had lost bass player Didz Hammond, they had regrouped and adjusted their live stage presence with other band members taking up bass duties on songs. This worked to an advantage and made the band tighter live and an more focused approach to the song writing on the album. Plus it was easier to fit all the band in photoshoots.

The Cooper Temple Clause: Jon Harper, Kieran Mahon, Dan Fisher, Tom Bellamy and Ben Gautrey

The album marked a distinctive change in the bands sound. In fact the album itself can clearly be separated in two halves; one the angry, raw experimental sound of the band from previous albums, the other more mainstream structured songs with sing along choruses. Whether this was intentional to sell more records or just a band flexing its creative muscle, we don't know. But both sides of the album work. Both are effective and sound good, but not necessarily what you'd expect.

Also different was the vocals. Usually on the previous albums, lead singer Ben Gautrey would sing all the songs, with his distinctive raw punk snarl, reminiscent of Liam Gallagher. However on Make This Your Own, he was absent on a number of songs. I have mixed feelings on this, the other members of the band can sing, but their vocals don't have half the power or emotion of Gautrey, and thus the songs don't *hit you* like they would previously.

But, the band do use Gautrey effectively when needed. On the song All I See Is You the music starts off for the first two minutes all John Carpenter style keyboards and sinister loops, with Tom Bellamy singing gently. Then, all hell breaks loose as guitars come crashing in with a monster riff, and Gautrey appears, stating he will "find his way to you" and you sure believe him.

The album is a mix of angry rock songs such as Damage, All I See Is You and Homo Sapiens to electro stompers like Head, Connect and Isn't It Strange and straight forward indie tunes What Have You Gone And Done? Waiting Game and Take Comfort to ambient layered pieces Once More With Feeling and album closer House Of Cards.

Lyrically, much like Mansun's Kleptomania, the album is mostly about the end of relationships, moving on, being dumped, wanting someone back, wanting to change and just the end of things really. It sounds morose and downbeat, but it really isn't. Think New Order and The Cure, where a lot of songs lyrically were bleak, the music made it uplifting.

The album spawned three official singles. You can view the videos to them:

Homo Sapiens here | Waiting Game here | Head here

Sadly however, things were not meant to be for the group. Shortly after finishing their UK tour, the band decided to split, following guitarist Dan Fisher's announcement that he was leaving. It seems the rest could not carry on with losing and replacing another member, or maybe they were just done with the music industry. Who knows. But with that they were gone.

Out with the haircuts, in with the natty dress sense.

Not much info has been released on what the former members of The Cooper Temple Clause are doing now. Some are DJ's while others are session musicians. The rest have disappeared into ordinary everyday life. But it seems whatever they are doing, it just isn't the same as what they used to do. A real shame. But Make This Your Own is a fitting epitaph.

Farewell then Team Cooper. Reading's finest band.

For more info, head over to the band's official website

Now what kind of a fog blows against the wind?

2008-04-20T18:32:00.012+01:00

and so begins John Carpenter's The Fog. One of my fave movies ever

I don't know how many times I've watched this film. I'd say a lot. Carpenter gets praise for other movies, mainly Halloween, but for me, this is his best feature. Sure it's flawed, but it's still a great film. It's aged quite well too. Unlike his other horror movies, this one's more about a build up of suspense than outright "OHMYFREAKINGOGTHEYJUSTTOREHISHEADOFF!!1!" shocks. And that works in its favour. There is never any explanation given for the supernatural fog, or its inhabitants, other than they they are dead and extremely pissed off.

(Blake and his undead associates, about to whoop some ass)

Anyway, the plot concerns the small coastal town of Antonio Bay, which is celebrating it's 100th birthday. Just so happens that while this is going on, a strange glowing fog begins to spread out over sea and eventually land. Wherever this fog goes, bad things happen. A few individuals begin to connect strange events, the towns anniversary and the approaching Fog and try to escape it's unstoppable path. But will they?

The cast, a mix of names and unknowns, are good in their roles, never over playing or camping it up, or unlike today's horror movies - making you want them to die. The main player in the film is none of the actors, but John Carpenters cinematography and locations. Some of the shots in this film are really good, especially the vertigo-inducing pan of Stevie's lighthouse at Spivey Point.

And after a nice build up when the Fog hits, it's a satisfying third act, where some of our heroes are barracaded in an old church, and Stevie the DJ is stuck on an isolated Lighthouse, surrounded by the fog.

Sadly, as with all things that are good and slightly old. Hollywood in its infinite wisdom decided to remake the film for todays "teen market" And those words make me shudder. Unsurprisingly, the remake was terrible and was pretty much panned on release by all and sundry, including the precious teen market. Most of what made the original film great was gone, and the actors were teen shite. The plot was ridiculous and made little sense. It wasn't even scary. Which is unforgivable.

The one saving grace however, was Selma Blair. Or more specifically, Selma Blair in her pants. Which is always a winner in my book. But seriously, she was the only thing decent in the film worth watching. The rest was an awful awful turdrig mess, but even Selma can't save this film. So save yourself the pain and hassle and just watch the original.

Selma in the remake, seeing something she doesn't like. Probably the rest of the film.

One of the best things about the original movie is of course, Carpenters score. It is SCARY. Listening to it alone gives me the Heebie Jeebies. The perfect soundtrack to a night in talking bout ghost stories.

You can view the incredibly cheesy original trailer to the movie here. Don't be put off though, the movie is much better. Honest.

There are so many good moments in this film; Poor Mrs Kobritz answering the door when something keeps knocking on it, Father Malone facing off against the ghosts in the Church alone and finally Stevie realizing the Fog is heading towards her. Go watch it. And I dare you to then go to a beach and light a campfire.

More info here

Thoughts and locations recording it

2008-04-17T09:56:00.006+01:00

The posts keep coming thick and fast this week eh? Enjoy it while it lasts, next week could be a whole heap of nuffin.

People like dressing up. Be it for Halloween, fancy dress parties, or in the bedroom for kinky thri.. (that's enough of that - Ed) Some go to conventions and really make a go of their costumes. A plucky internet reporter investigated and here are their results.
Killerfilm has a list of the ten "Most Difficult Films to Watch" for your viewing pleasure. I haven't seen half of them, but I have seen Irreversible, and that is just all shades of horrible. There are very few films that have made me feel sick, but that would be one of them. Check out the list and see if any of your favorites are there.
Talking of depressing stuff (see what I did there?!) the new poster to The Incredible Hulk has been revealed and it looks pants. Talk about boring. Where is the FURY?! Where is the EARTH SHAKING VIOLENCE?! Tsk. C-
The Prodigy have had their website revamped and it looks good. Hopefully new material will surface soon.
The Imperial War Museum has a new James Bond expo on. Worth a look I suppose.
The BBC and the mighty IPlayer have a report on the House Of the Future. Sadly there are no teleportors or jet cars. Or Robots. Or anything cool that The Jetsons promised us. Those lying bastards.
We've already seen Snake Eyes from the upcoming GI Joe movie, and now here is his lady Scarlett. Suddenly my interest in this film has increased 100%.
Some Watchmen toys have been revealed. Nite Owl looks a bit hardcore, don't you think?
and finally, this is a bit geeky, but the shots are beautiful. Basically some Star Wars fans have got some costumes and taken some arty photos of their heroes around everyday urban locations. And it looks great. There are about 12 pics so scroll through them all.

To finish things off, here is the Blondie-esque track Century from The Long Blondes. Enjoy.

You're just a common thief to me.

2008-04-16T13:01:00.006+01:00

Now then, a long time ago, I used to do a Watchmen Music Retrospective, it was ~~a loud of old waffle~~ groundbreaking, it was detailed and you needed it in your life. I haven't done one for ages, so thought now would be a good time to do it.

This one however is about one of the greatest bands KNOWN TO MAN!!1!!!1ONE11!

This one is about Mansun. Or more specifically their "lost" final album.

First things first. I loved Mansun. You know when people say they have "a band" that they just loved? That they could see again and again live, that they'd buy all their stuff for? That was Mansun for me. Back in '97 I listened to this band pretty much religiously. I still believe that their albums Attack Of The Grey Lantern and Six are some of the finest British albums ever made. And they fact no one credits them or has any idea who they are, just makes it sweeter.

Mansun: Stove King, Paul Draper, Andie Rathbone and Dominic Chad

When asked about Mansun, most of the Joe Public will go "Oh yeah, Wide Open Space!" and thats it. But fuck them, cos what does Joe Public know? Mansun made amazing music. No one got that or thanked them for it, and then they split up. The end. Or was it?

After the decibel that was Little Kix, Mansun pretty much imploded. The group was at war with their record company and each other. Members got fired, others had breakdowns, some broke their hands in frustration as to not play their guitars anymore. Things went wrong. Badly wrong. And the band never recovered.

A few years after the split, it was revealed the band had split literally on the eve of completing their fourth album - originally titled "Mansun". And that there was an albums worth of material left rotting in a vault somewhere with no band to promote or tour it. Some fans put a petition together and a few thousand signatures later, the record company released the album. However there were some changes afoot.

That album was now called Kleptomania, for reasons ambiguous.

Kleptomania was released with two other disks in a lovely three cd package. CD one was the lost fourth album, rough, half completed and mixed and some songs still in demo format. Cd Two was B-sides from throughout the bands career. Cd Three was odds and sods of unreleased music and live tracks. All in all it was a cracking little package of what ifs what could have beens and what was.

Cd One - The fourth album was a stunning return to form for the band. Sounding a lot like their early material - all guitars, riffs, phat bass lines and souring vocals, the stuff that was missing on Little Kix. The lyrical content is (tellingly) about moving on, ending relationships, things going wrong and looking for a fresh start.

The music is good, there are about two weak tracks on the album, but the rest is a mix of Nine Inch Nail bass lines, Strokes guitars, Punk riffs and Paul Draper's staggering vocals. Key tracks are: Home, Getting Your Way, Love Remains, Good Intentions Heal The Soul and No Signal No Complaints.

The surprising thing is, even though some of these songs are in an unfinished mixed state, or late demo form, they all sound brilliant and show that the band were really (cliché alert) back on form. If only they had finished it eh?

So, if you are tired of the current scene of music, and fancy something different. You could do a lot worse than to invest in this boxset. A reminder of just how good some bands you never heard of could be.

More band info: here
More Kleptomania info here

Oh dear, I'm in a dead spot.

2008-04-16T10:32:00.010+01:00

Now, long time readers, (all one of you) will know that on Watchmen we have a *thing* for all zombie related stuff. Zombies are just awesome. Even if they do creep us out.

For the last few years, one of the greatest zombie related stories has been playing out. Not to much fanfare, but quietly just ticking along with great characters, plots and ideas based around the Zombie genre.. and more importantly, what happens after the credits roll on zombie films.. ie well what happens next?

What I'm talking about, is of course, The Walking Dead. A monthly comic from Image, written by Robert Kirkman. On evidence of this book, not only is Kirkman a major fan of George A Romero zombie flicks, and a great character writer, but he's also it's fair to say, pretty fucked up.

(WARNING: There are Spoilers within)

The Walking Dead is about the adventures and experiences of Rick Grimes, a small town cop, who after waking from a gunfight induced coma, finds the world completely overrun with the walking dead, and survivors few and far between. Everything is changed and nothing is the same. Rick is our main protagonist, he's well written - trying to stay on the side of right, keeping people safe and keeping humanity going - but it's hard work, and Rick's not perfect. He's human and he makes mistakes. Mistakes that will cost him dear throughout the series.

The Grimes Family. Tooled up.

Ricks primary concern is to find his wife and child, and then to find somewhere safe for him, his family and rag tag group of survivors to stay without the constant threat of the un-dead. There are no answers ever provided of how the zombies rose, and how it all went wrong. Don't expect any. This is just about survival.

Unfortunately for the group and for Rick, Kirkman has devious plans for them, which entails people getting shot, chomped, mutilated, losing loved ones and generally having a horrible time of it. And slowly over the course of the books, much loved characters die, or lose their minds through their experiences.

Recently, the book took a new direction. After finding and clearing a county prison of zombies, making it safe to inhabit and live, our bunch of heroes discovered another community of survivors a few miles away. And the shit hits the fan. This other group are led by Philip - "The Governor" who after appearing to be quite reasonable and balanced, is quickly revealed to be anything but reasonable. Philip, who's catchphrase is "FUCK!" is quite possibly the most messed up, evil, sadistic twisted character I've ever read.

His idea of home entertainment, is Zombie heads bobbing around in a wall size fish tank (!)

But though Philip is evil, he isn't some cackling cliché villain. He's smart and patient, and that's what makes him dangerous.

(Philip, having a friendly conversation with the amazingly bad ass Michonne)

Soon, people are literally losing body parts, and a war between the two groups has begun, proving that other people are just as dangerous as a world full of zombies. This storyline was called "No One Is Safe" with Kirkman promising not only will people die, but major key players of the book, and that when the storyline is over, nothing will be the same. And boy is he right. Naturally, just when you think you know what is going to happen, Kirkman twists the story and surprises you in a realistic plausible manner. The covers are misleading, and thats their purpose.

I've read the conclusion of this arc, and as Kirkman promised, it is all different now - the Prison is uninhabitable and the body count is HUGE. Without ruining it too much, there aren't many people left from our original bunch of heroes. Kirkman has killed off some of the best and longest running characters, showing he isn't scared to do so, and that life is unfair. What happens next? I don't know, but if it stays at this level of quality, I can't wait to find out. Get this book, read it from the start and soon you will love it. Just be warned, it's not upbeat and there are no happy endings.

More info and spoilers aplenty: The Walking Dead Wiki page

Acres of pylons provoking me

2008-04-15T21:32:00.003+01:00

Hello!

Well, as promised, a new post about general riff raff. Sorry about the lack of action on here recently. It's a heady mix of work and life issues wrapped in a healthy dose of plain internet rubbishness to blame. Anyways - ever onwards.

The first teaser posters for the upcoming live action movie version of The Spirit are here. And boy do they look familiar. Sin City much anyone? I know Frank Miller is involved with both, but well. I expected more. Y'know, Pulp Noir. Not Sin City 2. Still, I look forward to seeing the results on the screen. (click all the images for bigger versions)
The trailer for Hellboy 2: The Golden Army has been unveiled. You can view it here. Looks like big dumb fun, much like the first. But I can't help notice, that it's starting to look just a little like Pan's Labyrinth Coincidence? Who knows..
Title sequences in films are dying a death and someone's not happy about it. I don't know. I can take it or leave it really. Sometimes, the titles are ace (see Seven) and other times, they can be a minor bore. I just find them handy in case I've walked into the wrong damn cinema again.
Speaking of Seven, here is a list of the 10 most depressing film endings EVAH. Strangely, Seven isn't on that list, thus it is flawed. Though it does have the Fly remake on it. Which I have to admit is the kind of movie that not only depresses you, but rips your heart out, stamps all over it, then tells you it's been banging your mum and kicked your dog. Heavy times.
In case you were wondering, here is a handy guide on how to destroy a killer plant. One day you'll thank me.
The Blood Red Shoes have some interesting thoughts on Glastonbury
The BEEB have a nice little feature on Ian Fleming and the house he lived in when creating James Bond and his adventures. Lucky bugger, don't you think?
And this cannot be good.

and finally, to wrap things up, here is a video taken from space of the cities of the world at night.

Cheerio

It's on it's way.

2008-04-10T09:41:00.001+01:00

There will be a post this week, honest.

How'd you get to be happy?

2008-04-03T16:00:00.001+01:00

Lovely.

Roundup.

2008-03-30T11:35:00.003+01:00

The film based on the toy/cartoon range GI Joe (Action Force in the UK) doesn't exactly set my tires on fire. I liked the comic at the time, but didnt really worship it religiously.

Anyhoo, the film is being made and everything I've heard or seen so far makes me think it's gonna be terrible. But now they have released some promo pics of Snake Eyes, the silent ninja, and well, I'm impressed. He's gonna be played by Ray Park, the guy who brought Darth Maul alive.

So in conclusion? The film is still gonna suck, but Snake Eyes looks cool.
Another new trailer for The Happening is out. You can view it here. It looks cool. I've read an early draft of the script, and it has potential. I still think M Night mcwhatsit can make good films, so hopefully this won't be another Lady In The Water.
The documentary Standard Operating Procedure looks depressingly dark and troubling. But it also looks like it's gonna be riveting at the same time. Worth a watch.
The work of the late Photographer Philip Jones Griffiths is celebrated on the Beeb. Elsewhere, you can also check out some great photography of Harlem at night
Someone builds a Futurama set out of Lego. Respect. And pity. But mostly respect.
Strange stuff is getting washed up in the most remotest of places. Bizarre, amazing and depressing at the same time.
Some spoilerific photos from the new Iron Man have been released.
And the trailer to X Files 2 is out now. It looks like the alien gubbins again. And alien gubbins = crapness. :(

I could hold on, but I wouldnt waste your time.

2008-03-24T17:35:00.003Z

Life is a right load of piss at times.

Ignore the wanky imagery in the video and focus more on the ace music sound tracking it.

This is not about Rihanna.

2008-03-22T16:34:00.005Z

Comics arent always for kids. And sometimes some comics are just sop great, that everyone should read them. Cos they are like books. With pictures in.

Rock singer Gerard Way, front man of My Chemical Romance, decided that life as a Goth/Emo overlord wasn't enough, and fancied adding more strings to his artistic bow.

The fruits of this would be comic book The Umbrella Academy

Bit of a bizarre direction to take, I hear you say, and I thought the same when I heard news of the series. But I thought I'd check it out regardless, and I'm very glad I did. Way gets a bit of bad stick in the media for his music and according to "real Music" fans aka elitist knobs, his band is shit and must die. Anyways, you don't really picture a rock star writing a comic book do you? And if they did, well it'd be some trashy crap that would get ripped apart by the critics.

Thankfully, The Umbrella Academy is very good indeed, proving not only is that Way capable of writing and creating a good yarn, but he's capable of creating great characters too. The book concerns the adventures of an adoptive family of superheroes. All gathered together as orphans at birth and tutored by a mysterious rich professor. Only he's not a professor, he's an alien. So far nothing out of the ordinary, but the writing really lifts this book and stops it descending into comic stereotypes.

The second issue catches up with the characters when they are much much older, and their adoptive father is dead. The family have since broken up both in relationships and professionally, all now emotionally broken due to their upbringing, experiences and unspoken issues with each other.

Due to a mysterious foe and a break in their own ranks, they face one of their own, who after years of being shunned for having no "special powers" finally unleashes their revenge at being the black sheep of the family. The question is who will survive, and at what cost?

The 6 issues are well written and illustrated, and the characters themselves all have their own idiosyncrasies that lift them off the page making the book a good read. Hopefully there will be another series to come, and hopefully Way will not descend into comic book cliché for the next batch. But at this rate, if he ever does give up the day job, he could do much worse than to continue comic book writing

There is something in the woodshed.

2008-03-21T12:12:00.005Z

Sorry about the lack of action this week, been busy with real world stuff. Naturally by real world stuff, I mean living my kick ass life as a international spy, bringing down tyranny and bedding hot women. It's a tough life, but a sacrifice I'm willing to make.*

Anyway, onwards:

The upcoming movie "Monsters Vs Aliens" looks awesome! And I'm making that assumption on just title, a website and a synopsis alone. So it may suck. But hopefully not. Anyways, check out the website and make your own premature decision.

Frankly awesome comic book writer Alan Moore gives an interview to the BBC. You can read it here

The movie I Am Legend had heaps of flaws and problems. But interestingly, it had a different original ending. Again, it wasn't like the book at all, but it was actually better than what we ended up with. Yes, the CG still sucks, and yes it still has that lame Butterfly rubbish, but it made a more satisfying ending than the original. Click to see. Better or worse?
Sometimes, the stuff of sci-fi movies can inspire bizarre things in the real world. And vica versa. Click for examples
And finally, there will be Vader

*Yes, I live in a basement.

"A rocket pack. Like in the comics"

2008-03-12T18:30:00.007Z

Some sad news.

Dave Stevens, the artist and creator of The Rocketeer, has passed away from Leukemia. This may not mean a lot to you, but for me, he was one of the reasons I first got into drawing. His artwork was amazing, when i saw the attention to detail and rendering of people, I was hooked. The Rocketeer film still holds a fond place in my heart. 52 is no age to die, and it seems his last few years were not happy ones, hence his lack of public work or apperences. It's a real shame. He was one of the few people I would have liked to meet.

You can view some of Dave's artwork here, here, here and here

Pretty amazing, I think you'll agree.

Some techno guys are putting together some stuff to contact and confer with aliens. Sounds flakey.
The song Atlas by the group Battles is brilliantly bonkers. I've had it on repeat forever. Which naturally annoys alot of people. You'll probably hate it first time, but give it a repeated chance, soon you will love it. Clicky here
Some genius reformated the credits to Star Wars in the style of the old 60's designer Soul Bass. It frankly rocks I love it so much.
My hero, George A Romero, lays down the zombie law Y'all better recognise.
Nerds with far far too much time on their hands Tsk.
The Grand Canyon is flooded to help nature do it's thing. click for pics
Some people catch a rare pigmy hippo on video. Why is that news? Well everyone loves a hippo, don't they?

And to round off on a more upbeat note. Here is the latest Simon's Cat adventure:

The Watchmen are revealed!

2008-03-06T11:47:00.003Z

(click for bigger)

Promo photos of the main characters from the upcoming Watchmen movie have been revealed, and can be viewed here

Not being too fanboy, but these look great. Comedian and Rorschach are perfect. The rest look ace too. This film keeps getting better and better.

Run, Fatboy, Run.

2008-03-04T20:58:00.004Z

People are getting fatter and unhealthy. This is bad. Soon everyone will be housebound and rubbish. To combat this, councils and architects are coming up with cunning secret plans to make you do exersize, even when you don't think you are. How you ask? Well, click here to find out.
Grey stands for Greyscale. A loving report on a unappreciated colour.
Esquire has an article on the best "failed" movies of 2007
And AVCLUB has an article on remakes that are a lot different to the originals
Wanna know what makes a successful DVD cover?
Gerald "Dracula 2000" Butler is the voice of the animated sections of the Watchmen movie. Should be good. Speaking of The Watchmen, here is some more casting news
Wired has some good nominations for the use of movie trailers.
A new Wolverine press photo has been released. Can you guess what it looks like?
Tyler Stout draws excellent artwork for posters. And you can view some of them here.
Sometimes, great movie characters, go out in quite unspectacular ways.
And finally, the girl in the video to Freestylers Push Up makes me think bad bad things. Which you needed to know, obviously.

S'laters.

This is Lush

2008-03-03T08:03:00.000Z

Rambo. The greatest film ever created.

2008-03-01T16:07:00.003Z

I saw the new Rambo film this week.

ODEON has chosen to not show it for "commercial reasons" which I can only guess as that someone there is really really stupid.

Why you ask? Well, simply put, Rambo is literally the greatest film ever committed to celluloid. It is a staggering powerhouse of a film. A film so amazing, you literally have to keep pinching yourself throughout it just to make sure you're not part of some magical dream.

I could try to write a detailed review of it, but it simply would not do the film any justice. You HAVE to go and see this film, and in the cinema. And preferably drunk.

I have to say, I had my doubts about it - Stallone is past it, and very old and chubby looking. Rambo the series was dead and buried, and well, it wasn't really going to deliver, was it?

Oh how I was wrong. Not only has Stallone made a great action film, but he has made one of the greatest comedies of our time. Seriously, people will be talking about this film for generations. The comic timing, the sheer utter lunacy of it. The breathtaking brutality, and over the top scenes of UTTER destruction. I spent 90% of this film laughing. It is so so funny. For Stallone to take the series in this direction, is brave, but it pays off. In spades.

But there is still action. So very much action. Watching this film is like killing a fly with an atomic warhead. It's just utterly utterly OTT.

Stallone doesn't so much act, more just exist. He IS Rambo. And he's pissed off. And he speaks about 5 times. and all of that is "NNgghhm MMmgg" or something. Truely he is up there with the greats. If he doesn't get nominated for an Oscar next year, I'm gonna cut a bitch.

The plot is simple. Our fearless hero John "Don't push me" Rambo, is living the peaceful but lonely life in Burma, catching Cobras and driving his boat. He is asked by some missionaries to drive them up river to help some villagers. He declines, but then one of them, a female asks him and gives him a cross, and that moves Rambo, cos you know, he's a spiritual Brother.

He drives them up river, leaves them at the village and then goes home. BUT WAIT. Some evil army come along and KILL EVERYONE IN THE VILLAGE. And when I say kill, I mean kill.

I've seen my fair share of action films. I think it's fair to say, I am a child of the 80's action hero. I enjoyed it when Arnie tore Buzzsaw a new one in Running Man, and I liked it when Murphy got blown apart in Robocop by Clarence "Bitches leave" Boddicker. I have seen my share of violence. But nothing had prepared me for what I was to see in Rambo.

Children are shot. Men are literally blown apart. Limb's are cut off. Mines blow legs off. Trucks run people over. Chests get blown out. Women are raped. Children are thrown on fires. Men are fed to pigs. Babies are shot.

Suitable this is not.

And in case you weren't not yet convinced these are bad people, the leader of the army is a Pedophile. So not only is he a genocidal nut case who tortures, mutilates and kills. He also fucks children. He's that bad. Ya dig?

Rambo gets wind of this, and well, decides to sort these commie bastards out. So he goes back up river and joins up with a bunch of mercenaries to do the job. And who is in the mercs? None other than MATTHEW FUCKING MARSDEN. Yes, he who was in Corrie. He plays a crack-shot sniper. And he's good at it too.

So the mercs get captured, and Rambo has to rescue them and the hostages. So he gets tooled up. And proceeds to destroy half the jungle. The last 20 minutes of this film feature Rambo..

* punching a guys head off
* tearing a guys throat out
* shooting a guys head clean off
* turning a WW2 bomb into a nuclear blast
* turning a man into puree
* annihilating about 300 soldiers, a jungle, and boat with a Jeep cannon.

There is no message in this film at all other than to solve violence and war, you just need to kill everything and everyone involved.

The end.

It's really that simple.

When the last 20 minutes of Rambo shooting everything moving finishes, the film ends with Rambo back in America with a hairwash and a plaid shirt. Back on a farm cos he is a simple man, with simple needs. The missionaries have learnt that helping victims of war is useless, the mercs have learnt that a Vietnam vet is surprisingly hard, and Burma has learn't to not fuck with John Rambo, cos he will mess your shit up.

When the movie was over, the entire audience applauded. I came out of the theatre realising nothing I will see now will ever beat that experience. No movie will ever has such a profound effect on me. Why? Because I saw Rambo: Greatest film ever created. A film that should have its own award in the Oscars, and it should win that award every year for all time. For it is that good.

Stallone, you are some sort of genius.

Trailer

The meanest thing that I've ever done is asking you to walk me home.

2008-02-25T19:39:00.005Z

Ok, I may have gone overboard with The Raveonettes related posts recently, but what they hell, they rock, and if you don't like them, well, you are DEAD TO ME.

We have already established that The Beat Dies is the greatest song ever, so that doesn't need any further explanation, and Lust Lust Lust the new album, is some kind of fuzzy goodness that you really need in your life.

Why you ask? Well, it's about love, and sex, and as the name suggests, Lust. And getting it. Or not getting it. Either way, it's splendid.

Youtube have a series of videos up about Sune & Sharin talking about the songs on the album, and how they came together. They can be found here. You can also view a video of the band playing in the back of a Black Cab. That's right, a Black Cab.

Watch them, for they are informative, and that Sharin Foo, she's some kind of goddess.

What do you mean.. murder?

2008-02-23T13:51:00.001Z

"At the start of the evening, I was in the Hall. I know because I was there."

Clue. Best film/board-game tie-in ever.

This movie, along with Predator and The Burbs, is one film I can watch over and over and never get bored.

The film loosely follows the boardgames plot and setting and generally just goes barmy with breakneck acting and set pieces. The basic plot is that a group of strangers meet in a secluded stately home one dark night. They are all there by invite and under aliases. Soon they will discover just why they were invited and what connects them, and that one of them is a murderer.

Their (and our) guide for the evening is Wadsworth the Butler, played by Tim Curry. To say he is good in this role is an understatement. Curry plays Wadsworth at 100mph, and never lets up. He simply IS this film.

The rest of the cast is great, and all the characters are fleshed out and very very funny.

The film has three endings, which would alternate when in the cinema, but luckily, the DVD has all three for your viewing pleasure. For my money, the first one is the best. But they are all good regardless.

One of the best scenes is Mrs White confessing just how much she hates someone (slightly spoilerific, but with three endings, you never know what you're gonna get)

If this has interested you, then check out more info here and at the IMDB and you can also view the original trailer too.

And remember; This is War, Peacock!

What the HELL is this.

2008-02-22T14:06:00.003Z

News of teh internetz

2008-02-20T07:55:00.004Z

Here is a short article about Gemma Arterton one of the new Bond Girls. Will she last beyond Bond? I hope so, she is pwetty, and seems a better actress than the god awful Denise Richards. More info and pictures here.
And here is a rather good piece about George A Romero and his Dead series.
The Beeb has a good feature about exactly who should be immortalized in statue form. Interesting debate. But you know, when I'm dead, I expect a 20 foot statue built of me, straddling a sinking battleship. In one arm a buxom wench, in the other a sword. About to slay a dragon. Cos that would totally capture my character. Totally.
One of the best jobs ever may just get a bit easier.
The new film from M. Night Shyamalan is here. The Happening is naturally, another supernatural thriller, where all is not what it seems. It looks interesting, and I think that Shyamalan gets a bum rap. Signs and The Village are both very good films. The trailer and website can be found here
Elsewhere, the test footage for the new upcoming adaption of the Where The Wild Things Are has appeared online. Now, this book is one of my favourite books ever ever ever ever. So I hope they do it justice. But from what I see of this footage I think it'll be very good indeed.
The Cloverfield Monster is here! In Toy form! and it's crap!
Er.. what? what?! what?!
The best movie characters fo the last 20 years apparently. Part one and part two
And finally, a report into the two sides of reporting the death of Heath Ledger

Beware the Moon

2008-02-17T10:01:00.004Z

Stuff from all over:

Singer/songwriter Feist was recently featured on The Watchmen, with her lovely video to the song My Man My Moon. If you liked that, you'll find this interview with the BBBC interesting
It seems the news that the new X Files movie was going to be about Werewolves is false. Which is a great shame, as I like the idea of it being a straight forward horror tale, rather than another drudge through the beyond boring Alien Conspiracy story, which killed the show and first movie dead.

I used to love the X Files, and I still hold a torch for Gillian Anderson, but it went off the boil fast after the third series and got worse and worse till it's actual end. When I heard Mulder and Scully would be facing off against Werewolves (WEREWOLVES!!!) in the new film, I was a happy bunny. Now.. I'm an apprehensive hedgehog.
Speaking of weird paranormal adventures.. this news piece about a council dealing with a poltergeist is odd.
The first publicity photo for the new Wolverine movie has been released and looks just like any other publicity photo of him in the X-Men: angry, in a vest and with his claws out. They could have done something a bit different eh? Or perhaps revealing more about the plot.. or location?
Doug Limam talks about his new film Jumper. Which will be good. It WILL BE GOOD.
The Angel Of The North is 10 years old. Local people with local cameras send in some photos of it. Which is nice.
Also being showcased on the BBC site, is some photos by Jonathan Austin, which look rather good.
And finally, just what is going on in this old comic book panel? That kid is about to have a very bad day :(

All you need is love.

2008-02-14T14:02:00.008Z

Ah, the most cynical day of the year is upon us. Hurrah.

Whether you believe in it or you don't, it's Valentines Day, and whether you are single, or not (and it seems everyones getting married these days) here are some moments that will either make you feel a case of the warm and fuzzies, or fall into a well of dark despair and self loathing. The choice is yours!

Barry White & The Love Unlimited Orchestra
Barry White gets a bum rap. He made great music about being in love. And you can't fault him for that really can you? This is his opus: Love's Theme.

Chasing Amy
Seriously, when I saw Chasing Amy the first time, I literally felt like someone had just stomped over me - the ending is that rough. It's not a date movie in any shape way or form. It's not even really a comedy. It's more a film how people can really utterly and truly fuck things up within a relationship and how that can never ever be fixed again. This is where Holden reveals just how much he likes Alyssa link

Air - All I Need
A simple song and a simple video. link

The Beatles
The Beatles fight Blue Meanies and flying Gloves.
They never took acid, ooooh no. link

Matrix
Neo bites the bullet, machines are destroying the hovercraft, all is lost, and Trinity spills her guts. link

V For Vendetta
My favourite scene in the whole movie: Evey is trapped in a prison, on the verge of death and mental collapse. She finds a letter hidden in the cell wall, written by its previous occupant, Valerie.. link

True Romance
Clarence the Comic Book nerd, after spending the night of his birthday with a beautiful woman, wakes to find her crying in his apartment.. where he discovers her real job. link

Highlander
Conner MacCloud is immortal. His one true love isn't. Uh ohz. link

Lost in Translation
This film is grossly over-rated, and I found a lot of it boring, but this scene is ace.

So there you go, a menagerie of love and being loved and highs and lows.

Now I'm off to take a bath with a toaster.

OMFGWTFBBQ!

2008-02-13T06:26:00.005Z

George A. Romero has a new film coming out, or more specifically, a zombie film coming out. And as well documented here, we're all about zombies.

I was really keen on this when I first heard about it, but it's sad to say, after seeing the trailer, I'm not so excited. I know, heresy you say, but with the influx of "shakey cam" style movies, it just seems dated before it's even been released. After Blair Witch and of course Cloverfield, it just makes the film look like it's cashing in. Which of course isn't the case I'm sure, but still.

I'll watch it anyway, cos naturally, I love the Dead movies, so hopefully it'll be a good'un.

You can view the trailer here

Elsewhere, the poster for the forthcoming Vantage Point is spiffing, and reminds me of the old Hitchcock movies.

Anyone fancy a free DVD interview with comic legend Alan Moore? Follow that link to get it then.
A guy getting tazered by the Police sounds a bit like Chewie from Star Wars. Bless.
Some more photos from Vanity Fair celebrating the work of Annie Leibovitz
On the subject of pictures, the Beeb has some pictures of the carnival in Rio, and some examples of the new Russian Photography expo in London's Southbank. So check it out.
Also, there's been a Hitchcock tribute photoshoot, with current actors of the day. You can see them here and then view a lovely behind the scenes video showing the shoot here.
The new Bond teaser poster is here. Our survey says: DULL. Am I the only one not bothered about the revamped Bond?
More from the Beeb, this time, some nice information of our great sewer system (yes, really) and a report on the dying telephone box. Sadface.

and to wrap things up, here is a classic scene from one of my favourite films The Salton Sea. Long time readers will know of my love for this film anyway, but this scene is just genius, and adds NOTHING to the plot. But it's funny, so that's ok.

Cheerio!

OMFG*

2008-02-10T14:14:00.000Z

That would be the Raveonttes with "The Beat Dies", the greatest song EVAH**

Warning: This video may be ever so slightly NSFW.

*And other shite acronyms
**11!!11ELEVENTY1!!

"I like walking for a change. It make's me feel.. normal"

2008-02-09T12:56:00.000Z

Ah I just can't help myself.

Sometimes, a movie comes along and you just know it's going to be crap. But even though you know it looks crap, and it sounds crap, you still want to watch it. Maybe it's some sado masochistic thing, or maybe you're just a sucker for trash, but for some reason, despite all the evidence to the country, you really look forward to watching this film.

For me, this would be the case with the brilliantly titled Jumper

No, not a movie about some wool material and it's hi-lary-arse adventures with it's owner, but infact a movie about people who can teleport anywhere and anytime.

Wait, you say, that sounds *just like* Nightcrawler from The X-Men!

Well, yes it does, but if it's anything like the opening scene from X2, where Knightcrawler decimates the White House staff and security, then this movie will ROCK.

So yes, the film is about people who ~~Bamf~~ teleport, and what you would do if you could go anywhere without restrictions. Naturally, I'd steal everything and be an absolute bastard. But no change there eh?

Unfortunately, there is a lot going against the film. It sounds cheesy, and it has Hayden Christian in it. Yes, THE Hayden Christian who couldn't act his way out of a paper bag, the one who was god awful in the already terrible Star Wars prequels.

But it does have Jamie Bell in it, and he can act. So there is hope. There is also Samuel L Jackson in it. Who can be brilliant, but can also be terrible, and has no quality control. As demonstrated by Snakes On A Plane. Which was all manner of shite.

But have a gubbins at the offcial website and trailer and also some handy tv spots to make up your own mind. It looks like cheesy fun, and hopefully it is.

But my favorite bit in the whole trailer is when Jamie Bell's character throws a double decker bus at a guy in the middle of the fucking desert. For a scene like that, you know this film will be worth it.

Honest.

More linkage

Second Skin

2008-02-06T22:05:00.000Z

That would be the trailer to the new documentary "Second Skin", the film about the gamers and users of the mahoosive internet ~~fennom~~ ~~fenome~~ ~~Phenominom~~ phenomenon Second Life.

Now, I have to admit, this is totally out of my realm of experience. My knowledge of computer games starts and ends with STREETS OF FUCKING RAGE, the greatest console game EVAH. Seriously.

Beating the living hell out of punks, thugs and hoodlums of the streets with my bare fists and various handy things like lead pipes gave me a certain satisfaction, that even today I can't find in anything else.

Anyway, I'm getting side tracked. What I'm trying to say, is I don't *do* internet games. And when someone mentioned "RPG" near me, I thought they were talking about some sort of dental infection or something. So I can't really relate to the subject matter.

But I won't subscribe to the cliché of computer gamers being fat lonely people with poor social skills, sitting in dark rooms saying stuff like "HAXOR" and "LOL" and other gubbins. I don't believe people are like, that and this documentry has sparked my interest. Because I love the idea of people that are SO into this game, everything else seems less important. That's amazing.

The fact their are communities and relationships happening within this pixel world is bizarre and fascinating.

I'm curious as to the sort of people featured and what the conclusions are. I imagine that it's mostly going to be people who for whatever reason cannot connect with people in the real world and find parts of their life lacking. But instead of facing those points, they just make them worse by escaping to this fantasy world.

Wow, that sounds deep, you must be saying. Well friends, I didn't get an ACME PHD Psychology poster on my wall for nuffin. Oh no. It cost £3.

Second Skin website

"It's a LION! It's HUGE!"

2008-02-06T17:41:00.001Z

So, after weeks and weeks of media and fandom hype, Cloverfield is finally here.

Is it good?

Well, yes it is good. Is it perfect? No.

For those of you who don't yet know what it's about, it's a Blair Witch Project style video recording of a leaving party in New York that suddenly has a very uninvited guest come along.

It has heaps of flaws, and lots of questionable things about it, but to reveal them would spoil it for anyone who hasn't read it (like anyone reads this anyway - Disgruntled Ed), but aslong as you leave your brain at home and not expect any answers as to why a BIG FUCKING CREATURE is going radge in New York City, then you will surely enjoy this.

The acting is good, the effects are AMAZING and the concept works overall, with a few lapses in plausibility, but this is a monster movie, so who needs realism? A special shout-out must go to the awesome Jessica Taylor, who plays Lily. The best character and actress in the film and also fills out a dress very nicely indeed.

The story is left open for a sequel, and there is already talk of one on it's way, so don't be surprised to see more shaky cam footage of monsters destroying stuff in the next year or so.

Elsewhere in the world of teh internets:

Wolves will literally eat anything if they need to. Sneaky buggers.
Even this fella, doesn't matter how new he is to the world. Awesome nose though!
Sight And Sound has an interview with Tarantino about Grindhouse and his other projects. If you like Tarantino, you'll like this interview. If you don;t, it'll give you more ammunition to hate him.
Here's an article about wind and solar power sorting out a tiny island's power issues
And the winner of my new favourite website award is instructables.com and its awesome inventions and how to create your own. The car safety strap belt is ace.
Movieweb brings us the new Iron Man trailer and it looks ace. Please be good. Please be good. PLEASE be good.
Another Indiana Jones picture is revealed and I die a little more inside. Just leave it alone. There is NO need for another movie.
Musical Mentalist Rivers Cuomo from Weezer gives an interview to the BBC. And so does Radiohead
Really cool dogs are rewarded with a really cool stamp set, yeah that's right *A stamp set*
You will have seen her work on The Watchmen recently, but here are some of Annie Leibovitz's classic Vanity Fair pictures Go check them out.
And finally, some videos for your perusal:

A nice singalong song about zombies eating you

Legendary movie maker David Lynch gives his opinion on product placement in films The man has a way with words.

Some vintage book jackets soundtracked by The Raveonettes, which is naturally, lovely.

And talking of the Raveonettes, some live footage of them performing my favourite ever* song "The Beat Dies

And lastly, the slinky video to Feist's The Moon My Man

Which is a nice way to end things, don't you think?

*for now, maybe.

Spider-Man 3 is the dumbest movie ever made.

2008-02-01T20:29:00.000Z

At Watchmen Towers, I occasionally have the misfortune to watch some terrible terrible films. I've only ever walked out of two films in my life. One being Batman & Robin and the other being the GOD AWFUL The Sweetest Thing

Anyways, I was having a discussion with a colleague about Spider-Man recently, and it sparked some vitriol deep inside me, that still resents the hours of my life that I lost watching Spider-Man 3. The shittiest film EVER.

What follows is an email I wrote to a friend, shortly after watching the film:

After seeing the final kick ass trailer, I was really excited about watching the film..

..but I couldn't be more wrong. Oh how I was wrong. The film sucked. I mean REALLY sucked. And this is why:

(Beware, spoilers aplenty here)

Reason one: When Peter is infected with the symbiote, he becomes evil. Fine, but Sam Raini's idea of evil is that Peter looks Emo. I'm not even joking. He suddenly had a fringe swept to one side (died black naturally) dressed in black skinnier clothes, and eyeliner. Yes that's right. Eyeliner.

I still don't know if this was Raimi taking the piss out of current emo culture, and having a sly dig, or if he genuinely meant it. Either way, it's terrible.
Reason two: Halfway through the film, there is a The Mask "Cuban Pete" style dance routine in a Jazz Club. I'm not joking. I repeat that: A DANCE ROUTINE. IN A JAZZ CLUB.
Reason three: When Peter goes all evil and Emo, there is a whole sequence where he walks/struts down the street dancing like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, eyeing up women. For no point whatsoever.

Seriously, someone please, for the love of Jesus himself, explain to me why this sequence is in a Spider-Man movie. Did someone lose a bet, and this was the forfeit?
Reason four: Venom. He's been hyped to buggery in the trailer and advertising, and he appears in the movie for a sum total of about 15 mins. And then he dies. Yep, that's right, they introduce him and kill him off. And he's as three dimensional as a branflake. Most pointless film character ever? He is nothing more than a plot device.

Also, did anyone notice that between the teaser trailer and the film, Venom changed from this to this? Looks like someone realised their graphics sucked eh?
Reason five: Kirsten Dunst sings. Twice.
Reason six: They introduce Sandman, which is great, and the effects are amazing, but then give him a back-story about his daughter being seriously ill. And then say he killed Peter's uncle. And then they never mention the daughter again, or any resolve. And he then tells Peter it was an accident and he didn't mean to kill his Uncle, so Peter says "Ok" and lets him go. ?!?!
Reason seven: Mary Jane and Harry cook food in a kitchen and then dance the Twist. They DANCE the TWIST. In the Kitchen. Why? You tell me.
Reason eight: Long time comic-book legend Gwen Stacy is introduced then forgotten halfway through the film. Her soul purpose? To look hot, and that's it.

(She does look hot thought)
Reason nine: Kirsten Dunst sings. TWICE.
Reason ten: Peter cries throughout this move. Maybe it's the emo thing, but he cries about 10 times.
Reason Eleven: Peter realises that the "evil suit" is affecting him and has made him all evil and emo, instead of slashing his wrists or writing bad poetry, or I don't know, perhaps taking the suit off, he instead decides to put the full suit on, and goes to church to take the suit off. Why the church? Why put on a suit you know effects you, just to take it off? Why? WHY?
Reason twelve: Mary Jane is made by Harry to split up with Peter and to pretend she's cheated on him. She never tells him this, or explains herself.
Reason thirteen: When Peter gets rid of the evil suit and returns to his "red/blue" costume and goes to the rescue, there is a scene where he lands in front of a huge billowing American Flag and the crowds cheer him on. In the crowd is a group of Fire-fighters. Subtle, eh?
Reason fourteen: Peter throws a bomb at Harry and it destroys half a room, an entire wall and at point black range, most of Harry's face. He then throws a bomb at Venom, and it completely destroys Venom and Eddie to the point they disappear, and the explosion doesn't leave a mark on the building. Nice continuity.
Reason fifteen: Kirsten Dunst. SINGS. TWICE.
And finally, reason sixteen: Harry's Butler. Why, after all the carnage, mayhem, destruction and death, does the Butler choose then to tell Harry that his Dad died from self inflicted wounds?! Why didn't he just tell him at the start of Spider-Man 2 and just save us all the grief? Talk about timing.

So in conclusion, the film is utter utter crap.

I'd rather beat my head with my own fists and then dangle my love tackle into a bucket of bloody chum then go swimming in oceans that have "just a few" sharks in, than watch this movie ever again.

Marvel? You suck.

Hills I cannot climb, cos I havent got the time.

2008-01-31T11:02:00.001Z

Ah, in the great ocean of music, lots of acts come and go without making a ripple, others make a big fucking wave, and some make an almighty splash then disappear without a trace, plummeting to the dark gloom below, never to return.

One of those bands would be the inexplicably named Gay Dad.

Gay Dad, came out of nowhere (fnarr) and were hyped to hell with a cunning publicity campaign designed by "legendary" designer Peter Saville, which appeared all around London, spreading word of mouth. This was both their making and their undoing.

Nice eh?

Anyway, the band eventually emerged and released their debut album Leisurenoise and well, it didn't set the world on fire. After all the hype and word of mouth, critics and fans alike found the album lacking. The backlash was inevitable. America, notorious for it's bigotry, refused to go near the band or promote them cos of the bands name.

Shortly after, the band lost members and then their label, and regrouped to release their second album Transmission. Which sadly did worse than its predecessor and spelt the end of the band.

In hindsight and a few year later, I feel this band were unfairly ignored. Yeah, they weren't amazing, but they weren't terrible either. Songs like Joy! Dimstar, To Earth With Love, Black Ghost, Dinosaur, Now Always and Forever are all great glam rock nuggets. And I recommend you check them out, for they deserve to be heard more often.

So, were they ignored or just a bunch of chancers? You decide, but if it's made you curious of the band, then here is the video to their biggest hit; To Earth With Love

More info and audio files can be found at the bands MySpace and Wikipedia pages.

I want to get high on you

2008-01-31T10:24:00.000Z

Lots of stuff from around the world of the mighty web. And your life will be better knowing about it.

The Angry Alien team "do" Pirates Of the Caribbean. I dunno, they seem to be losing it, in terms of ideas and films.
More Annie Leibovitz pictures of famous people posing as Disney characters.
Someone with far too much time on their hands (you mean like you? -Ed) has blended the audio loops of James Earl Jones in Coming To America with Darth Vader footage from Star Wars with "hilarious results".
Anna Friel talks about life in LA and looking after other Brits.
Some new trailers are out now, first up is 88 Minutes, which is literally 88 minutes long, and where the hero has to stop himself from dying. Didnt they already make this as Nick Of Time and D.O.A? The second trailer is for Dophins & Whales: Tribes of the ocean. in 3D at the IMAX. Looks ace, but don't forget these:
Fan of Lost? Or like me, did you get bored after 5 episodes and give up with it? Either way, it's soon returning for it's latest season, and BIG THINGS are expected. Or not. Anyhow, FOX have put together a wonderful little video that explains the last 3 seasons in 8 minutes and 15 seconds. Which I find far more entertaining and informative than any of the actual shows I've watched.
The Oscars are a'comin' and some nice people have put together some links and footage of all the nominated animated acts
You can have a look at Bond Girls of past and present and see which were the best, and which were the worst. Personally, my favorite was Xenia Onatopp, and her thighs of steel
Some Vikings in Scotland get a little rowdy and go a-pillagin'
This ship has has legs, and it knows how to use them*, which is frankly awesome. I WANT.
Awww, look at his chubby face :D
The Toy Fair is coming, and predictably, someones worried about safety and kids. Jeeez. I used to strap actual bombs to my action figures when I was a kid, and nothing bad ever happened. Well, to me anyway, I mean Timmy Jefferson from across the road got his face blown off, and now eats with a straw, but that's what he gets for not returning my Snake Eyes figure with the Kung-fu grip. The son of a bitch.

*ZZ Top rule.

I just wanna rule the world.

2008-01-28T07:48:00.000Z

A collection of things on the web that are stroking our proverbial goat this week.

(Actual Watchmen Goat)

Click here for an article about films you can watch over and over and over and over.
Talking of good films you can watch time and again, I recently found the Sneakers soundtrack on ebay. And it now should be winging it's way to Watchmen Towers as we speak.The score is a good'un. Infact the whole film is a good'un and has one of the best group casts EVAH. If you haven't seen it, do so. You can view my favorite scene from the movie, where our heroes discover just what Janus's box really does.(spoilers of course)
Cloverfield is almost upon us, and the internet hype for this film is insane. Will it live up to the expectation? Of course not, but while you'll leaving the cinema debating how good it is, be safe in the knowledge you can now buy a toy of the monster. Which comes with *free* parasites! Nice!
Will Ferrell asks if you want to love him sexy
My future wife, Jessica Biel, is the latest star to be used in Annie ~~Leebobitz~~ ~~Lebowizz~~ Lebowitz's Disney campaign. Suddenly, I'm interested.
Maxim have gathered a collection of scenes from films that feature glorious "Noooooooooooooooooooooo" moments. No prizes for guessing the winner.
The super wonderful Goldfrapp are returning very very soon. And you can read about them here. The new video to A&E is ace too. But I'm not gonna link to it, cos I'm not your bitch. Yeah. That's how I roll.
Fonzie, the 30 year old man who hung out with kids on Happy Days is a bit of a legend amongst today's society. So much so, they now want to make a bronze statue of him.
109.com asks which sci fi show needs "re-imagining"? I answer: I don't care.
And finally, some pictures of the Venice Carnival. Courtesy of the Beeb.

..and to wrap things up, here is Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds doing one of the greatest songs ever live:

That's gonna be played at my funeral. Whilst my body is blown up. On a Viking Ship. Oh yeah.

"You've changed things... forever. There's no going back."

2008-01-23T17:51:00.000Z

As you are all probably aware by now, Heath Ledger has died.

There isn't much to say that others haven't said better, other than the fact it is just utterly very very sad. At time of press, most reports indicate it was an accidental death in relation to a combination of pneumonia and sleeping tablets.

Whatever the reason, the film world has lost a great actor, who I really looked forward to seeing in The Dark Knight playing The Joker. When he was originally cast, there was outrage from all and sundry about it, with everyone convinced he was a lousy choice. Then they saw the trailer, and suddenly changed their tune. I have to admit, when I saw it myself, my enthusiasm went up ten fold. Ledger looks and sounds perfect for the Joker.

Hopefully his death won't effect how people view the film and his role too much.

But 28, that's no age to die, and like Brandon Lee before him, looks like he was taken before his talent was given true chance to flourish.

Elsewhere in the wide world of the interwebs:

You can view the new video to Radiohead's Jigsaw Falling Into Place here featuring Helmet Cam™
Speaking of Radiohead, Thom Yorke finds the idea of people having sex to his music, quite quite strange.
Some storyboards of the upcoming Watchmen movie, have been posted

End of the world vs Psycho car drivers

2008-01-17T20:42:00.000Z

Death Proof seemed to spend a grand total of a week in the cinema and then quickly sped to DVD.

My copy arrived this week at Watchmen Towers, and I've just watched it.

Granted I haven't seen it with it's "Grindhouse pairing" with Planet Terror (Robert Rodriguez's movie about mutant zombies) and thus it lessons the impact of what they were trying to do, but well, i found it lacking.

The storyline, which is basically watching a load of ladies talking about everyday stuff, and then Kurt Russell KILLS THEM WITH HIS CAR, is pretty nondescript. Yeah maybe that was the point of the slasher films of yore, but well, it's pretty dull watching it now.

The good parts: The Girls are AWESOME. There are infact two "groups" in the story, the first half are all bitchy and think they are "it" but the second group who we meet later are just ace.

The casting is great, and Rosario Dawson could read the phone book and would still be memorizing to watch and listen too. When they eventually encounter the psychotic Stuntman Mike, you genuinely don't want them to come to harm.

And when Mike gets his ass utterly kicked by the girls (who just so happen to be stuntwomen themselves) you do enjoy it.

But aside to that, the film is really lots of girls talking about girl things for a really long time and then CARNAGE, and then it's over. It's bizarre.. I just came away thinking, well that was nice, but what really was the point? At least with Tarantino/Rodriguez's previous collaboration From Dusk Till Dawn, when the vampires arrived and it all kicked off, it seemed to be the reward for all the dialog heavy scene prior. And well, it was funny.

Maybe it'll improve with age. Hopefully Planet Terror will be more fun.

I also finally got round to watching I Am Legend at the flicks.

Now, when this film was being made. All manner of outrage was being chucked at it from the internets. Mostly around the fact it wasn't set in England (like the original book) and featured Will Smith as the title character (the main character was white and English in the novel) I wasn't too worried about those changes, as neither were really important to the whole concept of the story. And also, Will "Awwwwwww hell no" Smith can sometimes pull it out of the bag when it comes to acting. Sometimes.

So I watched it with an optimism that'd it'd take these changes and improve on the story. Well. It did change things I guess.

Stuff I liked: The opening scenes of deserted Manhattan were good, but not quite as effective as 28 Days/Weeks Later.

The Dog was great. And Smiths relationship with the dog was well done, and when he had to kill her, man that was grim. I knew it was coming, the constant "dogs aren't immune to contact" stuff was a blatant hint. But even so, when she started to change and he had to kill her.. ~~I was sobbing like a fat baby~~ blub. They could have shown more of him unraveling after she died - his last companion gone.

Stuff I didn't like: well, I was expecting a few changes, but they didn't really follow the book did they? Infact they hardly did anything from the book which is a shame, as it's a great novel

The intelligence of the "Darkseekers" was stupid. One minute they were repeatedly hitting their heads against stuff, the next they were able to lay intricate traps. Rubbish.

They fact they were "Darkseekers" and not Vampires like in the book. Why? Vampires would have been better.

The horrible horrible CGI - absolute naffness - it looked very very fake. Both 28 Days Later and 30 days Of Night showed you can make Human beings look and move in a VERY scary way if you have the right make up and camera effects. The over use of CGI ruined this movie.

The ending - Yeah he sacrificed himself - but what a dumb way to go, and it left far too many unanswered questions.

Speaking of unanswered questions - why did no one else in the colony, who were military, and knew of Robert Neville's work, go to check for him? Or at least reply to his broadcasts?

Where did Anna and the kid get their car from? Why was it in great condition? Where did her constant change of clothes come from? Yes they could have come from Neville's dead wife's wardrobe, but they never explain or show this.

So yeah, a bit of a failed attempt. It's no bad movie, and Smiths acting, especially when he's having his melt down, is what rescues this movie

General Web Wonders

2008-01-17T11:11:00.000Z

Somewhere, someone has far too much time on their hands: A hard core Lord Of The Rings fan has recreated the "Battle of Pelennor Fields" scene with biscuits and sweets.

Yes, on one hand, you could call that impressive, but I just see it as a waste of good food. Won't someone think of the children?!1!

The people that made it, have previously built "The Battle Of Helms Deep", which frankly looks shit and proves my theory this person is some kinda sick twisted sweet fetish freak.

Some countries use inspired advertising to hammer home the points about safety, or security and general common sense - stuff like crossing the road safely, and safety in the work place (granted most of those adverts are how to score money if you have an accident, but I digress) But not Canada. Canada have decided that they are going to scare the living fuck out of EVERYONE with a series of horrific adverts that are beyond gruesome. You can view them here.

Though be warned: they are quite grim.

Elsewhere and on a more lighter note, you can view the latest photography advertising Disney. The campaign features big stars dressed as characters from the films in dramatic poses. The pictures have been taken by Annie Lebovitz. You can have a butchers at them hi res here.
Be patient though, they can take time to load.

Now, as you well know, Who Watches The Watchmen? has a well documented love of Zombies. And no, not in *that* way, you bunch of freaks. Basically, zombies and zombie movies are COOL. And the trailer to George A Romero's latest zombie flick Diary Of The Dead has just been released and it looks very cool indeed. It seem to be taking the Blair Witch/Cloverfield route - being shot as a handheld film. Whether this works or not remains to be seen, but I'm looking forward to it. Check out the trailer hheeerrrrree.

And finally, this is some bizarre casting, don't you think?

Hack The Planet

2008-01-14T22:14:00.000Z

"Spandex: it's a privilege, not a right."

Over the holiday season, there was bugger all on telly, so I found myself going through my DVD collection in search of entertainment. During this search I stumbled across my old copy of Hackers. Officially the worlds greatest movie.

Hackers is one of those movies I can watch again and again and again and again. It's just that good. Made in 1995, the film has dated terribly, as it is definitley a product of its time. It's subject matter is computers, the internet and of course, hacking. And as the technology of those worlds moves at such speed, it was never going to last in its longevity as an up-to-date movie. But that'd half its charm.

Hackers is about a group of teens (who are played by people much much older than teenagers) who hack for fun, but stumble across a plot of extortion and blackmail, and must "fight to clear their names" before they are put away FOREVER.

But it is more.. much more than that. Hackers is brilliant for so many reasons:

1. The Hackers themselves: These are not your stereotype cliché hackers - they're not fat, don't dress in black, and have zero social skills. These guys are mobile, in good condition, funny, they wear leather, are educated, actually leave the house and go out clubbing, have.."interesting" dress sense. And when I say interesting, I mean they look like an explosion in a charity shop.

(interesting or depressing fact: I dress like the guy in the purple top)

2. The characters Hacker handles: Zero Cool, Crash Override, Acid Burn, Lord Nikon, Cereal Killer, Phantom Phreak I think you'll agree are the coolest names EVER thought up. Really.

3. Angelina Jolie.

4. The clunker of the dialogue:

"Type "cookie", you idiot."
"If it isn't Leopard Boy and the Decepticons."
"God gave men brains larger than dogs' so they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties."

5. The soundtrack rocks ass.

6. Real hacking is boring and mundane and is basically reals of code on a screen. Not amazingly exciting to watch. So the filmmakers came up with a way to combat this. Fabricating graphics to give a "visual" representation of hacking. It made no sense, was utterly unrealistic, and basically looked silly.

Staggering, I think you'll agree.

But not only that, they then went one step further, and projected the graphics onto the characters faces, for added depth. Or something.

In fact, I don't know what the hell was going on there, other than when I tried it with my iMac at home, i just ended up with burnt retinas and no night vision. The lying Hollywood bastards.

7. Angelina Jolie.

8. These hackers, not only left the house and integrated with society, but also used rollerblades

9.

10. The actors are genuinely likable, and the characters, though daft and improbable (no female hacker would EVER look or dress like Angelina Jolie) manage to entertain you throughout the entire movie without making you want to punch your fist through the screen.. well, with the exception of Matthew Lillard. But that, in a teen movie, is a rare thing.

11. Dade's awesome jacket

12. The characters wear sunglasses inside their bedrooms. In the dark. Cos they are *that* cool.

13. Angelina Jolie's haircut

14. and finally, this expression Amazingly punchable, don't you agree?

I could list more, but frankly, ~~I'm bored~~ ~~you're bored~~ you don't need anymore reasons to watch this cinematic masterpiece.

So do yourself a favour, watch the trailer and an ages old "making of" featurette and then watch the damn movie.

Music: Not as good as it used to be.

2008-01-14T19:26:00.000Z

And lo, with a new year come this year's ~~shit~~ BRIT Awards

The BRITS have officially been absolute gash since 1998, when music as a whole went tits up. 1998 produced some of the greatest music known to man, then it all went to shit. WATCHMENTRUFAX.

And yes, as everyone says every year, the industry vote for it/its just a bunch of back slapping/it's to boost sales etc etc etc.

Anyways, with that positive frame of mind, we cast a critical eye over this year's nominees, with who we think should win it, and who probably will win it...

Male artist:
JAMIE T / MARK RONSON / MIKA / NEWTON FAULKNER / RICHARD HAWLEY
Verdict: They're all shite.

Female Artist
BAT FOR LASHES / KATE NASH / KT TUNSTALL / LEONA LEWIS / PJ HARVEY
Verdict: KT Tunstall should win it, but won't.

Group
ARCTIC MONKEYS / EDITORS / GIRLS ALOUD / KAISER CHIEFS/TAKE THAT
Verdict: The Aloud should win it, just to piss off the indie moanathons.

Album
ARCTIC MONKEYS – FAVOURITE WORST NIGHTMARE / LEONA LEWIS - SPIRIT
MARK RONSON – VERSION / MIKA – LIFE IN CARTOON MOTION
TAKE THAT – BEAUTIFUL WORLD
Verdict: Fields - Everything Last Winter, WHICH IS MISSING FROM THE FUCKING LIST.

Breakthrough act
BAT FOR LASHES / KATE NASH / KLAXONS / LEONA LEWIS / MIKA
Verdict: Bat for Lashes.

Live act
ARCTIC MONKEYS / KAISER CHIEFS / KLAXONS / MUSE / TAKE THAT
Verdict: Meh. Boring. All of 'em.

single
LEONA LEWIS – Bleeding Love / MIKA – Grace Kelly
TAKE THAT – Shine / KAISER CHIEFS – Ruby / SUGABABES – About You Now
MARK RONSON Ft AMY WINEHOUSE – Valerie (a fucking [i]cover[/i] of a song only a year old?!)
KATE NASH – Foundations / THE HOOSIERS – Worried About Ray / JAMES BLUNT – 1973
MUTYA BUENA – Real Girl
Verdict: They are all GASH.

International Male
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN / KANYE WEST / MICHAEL BUBLE / RUFUS WAINWRIGHT / TIMBALAND
Verdict: Springsteen.

International Female
ALICIA KEYS / BJORK / FEIST / KYLIE MINOGUE / RIHANNA
Verdict: Alicia Keys

International Group
ARCADE FIRE / EAGLES / FOO FIGHTERS / KINGS OF LEON / WHITE STRIPES
Verdict: Arcade Fire.

International Album
ARCADE FIRE – NEON BIBLE / EAGLES – LONG ROAD OUT OF EDEN
FOO FIGHTERS – ECHOES SILENCE PATIENCE & GRACE
KINGS OF LEON – BECAUSE OF THE TIMES / KYLIE MINOGUE – X
Verdict: Arcade Fire.

Critics choice
ADELE (who is she? She's a fat bird who is lit "artisticly" in press photos)

Lifetime achievement
SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY
Verdict: Fuck off thumb boy.

And so there we have it. A list as uninspired and dull as it always is. I will not be watching it. I'm sure that'll learn them a lesson!111!!

Linkage: The BRITS website.

I'd be crazy not to follow.

2008-01-10T12:04:00.000Z

Greetings.

After all the hype and awards and general ratings smash of Doctor Who, ITV thought they'd have a slice of the Saturday Night sci fi adventure action and brought out a show called Primeval

Primeval was interesting - the show was about holes in time letting dinosaurs and other beasties get from the past into our timeline and generally causing all kinds of havoc and eating people. Sadly, the show was riddled with cliché characters, CGI with the budget of a cornflakes packet, and some dubious acting. BUT it did have the ever reliable Douglas Henshall (star of brill BBC drama "Psycho's") and Hannah Spearritt, of S Club Seven "fame" walking around in her pants. A lot.

It seems the producers of the show were a canny sort, and decided that Hannah in her smalls was a surefire way of getting male viewers involved. Happily though, it turned out that she was actually a nay bad actress too, and was one of the nicer surprises of the show.

I have to admit, the show was a guilty pleasure for me. yeah it was cheesy and a bit naff, but it was obvious the cast knew this, but were gonna have fun with it anyway - making it an enjoyable "romp" as the press would say.

The show returns with it's second series this Saturday night - and should return with a bang after the last series cliffhanger. I expect more of the same from the show, with maybe better CGI this time. But I'm sure if it bombs ratings wise, it'll be the last we see of it. Which would be a shame, cos who doesn't like to see Dinosaurs and people fighting?

Anyways, the official website has just been revamped and has lots of exciting features for your viewing pleasure, and can be accessed here.

Elsewhere in the web world, the ideas for the Fourth Plinth in Trafalger Square have been revealed to the public and I have to say, I think they are all a bag of shite.

A burnt out car? Seriously? It's utter drivial.

Statues in that square should be majestic - beautiful to look at, something that means something to England and celebrates its history and potential. Not a burnt out rusted car for gods sake. Infact most of the entries are rubbish. The only one that really has any possible potential is The Meercats. You can view the entries here.

Animals are awesome. And in the UK we have quite a few. And over the next few days, in the UK, all the major Zoo's and animal attractions are having major audit to see just how many animals and insects and creatures we actually have. Somehow, I feel the Insect keeper is going to be a bit busy.

And to leave you today, you can watch one of the songs from Radiohead's recent NYE webcast. The song is off their latest album In Rainbows and is the beautiful Weird Fishes. And I think it's quite quite lovely.

(Incidentally, Someone once told me I looked like Thom Yorke. I don't know if that was a good thing of not.)

Enjoy the internet space nerds.

Guess who's back in the motherfuckin house?

2008-01-07T18:51:00.000Z

When things get bad, or when things get me down, sometimes I need a pick me up. For some people, this could be sex, others, enough drugs to sink a Whale, or maybe two hours on Alex Kidd in Miracle World. But for me, I just have to watch this video and everything will be better.

This is one of them there "Lip Dubs" A film shot by normal people who lip sync to a song by some artist. There are tons out there on YouTube, and all of various quality and style. Some work, some don't, but this one, featuring two skinny white dudes dubbing Snoop Dogg's "Ain't No Fun" is one of the best.

There's a lot you could criticize about it - the misogynistic tone, the poor film quality, the lack of white balance. But I can gloss over all of it for the quite ridiculously hysterical lyrics and almost perfect lip syncing of the two star players, who really get into character.

So much of this video makes me laugh. From the inexplicable scene shoot in a toilet, the dancing, and finally, the puzzle of just why is the skinny guy sat on a ladder with a towel around his neck, clutching a golf club.

Gangsta's f'real yo.

But the best bit.. the best bit of all, is when, for no apparent reason, the guy grabs the toilet roll. Genius.

"You've had that in your trousers all day?"

2008-01-06T12:48:00.000Z

Ah greetings one and all, to a new year and an attempt at restarting this blog thing.

So, 2008 is here at last and a whole bunch of music, film, tv, art, science and technology will soon be upon us, and here at Watchmen Towers, we will do our best to supply you with the latest in news and views and general crap.

Or I'll get bored and give up. Whichever comes first.

Anyway, it's Sunday, and Sunday is ~~God's Day of rest~~ a lazy day. I'm still in my Pj's and dressing gown as I write this (hot image eh' ladies?) But I'm also surfing the InterWeb and plundering its wealth, like a fat Pirate of the superinformation highway.

And this is where I stumbled on this little beauty:

The 'Burbs soundtrack

Now, I don't know about you, but The 'Burbs is in my humble view, one of the greatest films of all time. Seriously.

You can keep your Schindler's list, your Saving Private Ryan, and all that other Jazz. I don't care, as far as I'm concerned, The 'Burbs has it all; drama, world class acting, tension, plot, comedy, enough tragedy to rival a Greek fable, action and Corey fucking Feldman.

One summer me and my bro watched The 'Burbs everyday for like 2 months. I know, we had lives even then. But yeah, we loved it. I can quote the movie word for word in its entirety.

I know what you're thinking, some people dedicate their lives to helping others, to doing good for humanity or learning a sport or talent. And I learned the quotes form an obscure Tom Hanks film. I've spent my time well, I think you'll agree.

Anyways, after searching for the soundtrack, which is nye on impossible to buy or track down it seems, the Internet, like the A-Team, was my only option, and boy did it deliver. So now I sit here in my PJ's listening to Jerry Goldsmith's work and I am a happy boy. I think I'll watch the film later, and tally up the notch to 356 viewings.

Anyway, you can take my word for it, or you can check it out yourself. The DVD is dirt cheap these days. But to whet your appetite a little, here is the original trailer and also a scene from the film where our heroes discuss the sad tale of Skip the Ice Cream vendor man. Oscar worthy, I think you'll agree.

Ahem.

2007-11-04T14:19:00.000Z

Is this thing still on?

Does anyone still read it? Is there someone out there in teh interwebz waiting for an update?

The answer to all of these questions is probably "no" but what the hell, I may just start it up again and inflict you all with stuff and points of view that have NO IMPORTANCE.

To be continued..

Relax.

2006-12-26T19:35:00.000Z

Sorry about the lack of action on the Watchmen front. We are currently undergoing medical "issues" which unfortunatly means that there wont be stuff happening on Watchmen for a while. Don't worry though, we'll be back soon posting rubbish you NEED IN YOUR LIFE. I promise.

To ease the pain, here are a number of festive YouTube videos to pass the time.

James Dean Bradfield doing Wham's "Last Christmas":

And here is My Chemical Romance doing Mariah Carey's "All I want for christmas is you" (yes really)

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to you all

Normal service will be resumed shortly..

2006-12-14T07:56:00.001Z

Adieu.

2006-11-27T16:17:00.000Z

"I'm next, Mr Harris. My living has become my undoing. I'm being hunted by the sons of younger men. Kids. Fighting somebody else's war because they don't know any better."

In this world, there are some people that are just.. out there. People that have no fear and no idea of personal safety. This person is one of them.

It's always the way. You go to a paintball game and someone has to just show off.

Elsewhere, people with too much time on their hands have uploaded all the James Bond title sequences from every film for you to watch. If you're really that bored.

The BBC has some pictures of various fascinating and strangley depressing lifestyles.

What if Billy Corgan lost his car keys?

The new Spider-Man 3 posters are here and here

Bruce Lee is about to have his own fucking theme park.

Fancy a look at a picture from the Transformers movie?

And in case of a zombie attack, here is a handy public safety film.

Let me curl myself into a ball before you let me understand

2006-11-20T19:43:00.000Z

Hello ever loyal viewers!

Another big post, so lets not faff about.

The ever reliable BBC has a feature on airships. I always wanted an airship. No real reason, just fancied flying one ~~shooting things and blowing stuff up like in the movies~~ checking out nature and stuff. The beeb also have a feature on the world's most dangerous road. And they ain't kidding, check this picture out.

Don't get any ideas reading this, Rob.

When I was little, I used to watch Saturday morning tv and these girls were always on it performing Pink Sunshine. I used to fancy the lead singer loads. I was only six.

The Simpsons movie trailer is here. And its FUNNY.

This guy is insane and now dead. Sad :(

As Casino Royale is out, there is a load of Bond related crap clogging up the interspazz. Here is a handy Bond Timeline. An Age of Bond as it were. Bond-age. Bondage. get it? Hahahahahhzzzzzzzzzz.Elsewhere, there is a list of the worst and best Bond girls and the best and worst Bond themes Bizarrely I like the worst ones more. Finally, the IFC rates the Bond debuts

Some internet wizzkids play with photoshop and famous peoples heads.

The Lost Boys is a great film. But it's a very dated great film. A website rips it apart in "hilarious" fashion

There are some nifty 3D movie posters now in toy form

Wanna read some of the worst cock-up's in cinema history? You do? Then click that link quick.

Have a look at the atmospheric Zodiac movie poster. and watch this stonking animation of a deranged stick man fighting back

The Victoria & Albert museum in London has a new feature set up designed by 3D from Massive Attack. GO THERE.

OMG!!!! U CUD LIKE TOTALLY PLAY THIS GAME ABOUT NICOL KIDMAN!!11111!!!LOL!!!!1111111ELEVEN111 AND FIND OUT WHICH CHARACTER UR LIKE! ROTFLMFAO!!!11!!!1 LOL!!!! OMG!!!

That's it for now.

Next update will be about something special. I promise.

Ooooooooo.

2006-11-17T08:01:00.000Z

What you're seeing in front of you is the first teaser poster for the next Harry Potter fillum; "The Order of the Phoenix". Dark and gloomy eh? If you want a high-res version to have a better look at or print out, click this magical link or something.

Three steps to product placement.

2006-11-15T21:39:00.000Z

I know tricks that you can only dream of

2006-11-10T06:58:00.000Z

This post is big. Brace yourself.

Photographer Joel Meyerowitz has some work out featuring pictures of 9/11 and it's aftermath.

Phat Three website has the Top Five worst Ghosts EVER for your consideration. I don't agree - Casper isn't on that list. And Casper my friends, is a crap ghost.

In the land of the DVD the alternate ending is king, and some of the best are listed here for you to check out. Also, here is the top ten "so shit, it's good" movies EVER. After reading them, you can look at the top ten Simpsons Tree House of Horror episodes

Nature News: Have a look at this footage of some Dutch horses stranded by floodwaters.

The internet and all its glorious potential is kinda like superpowers - You can either use it for good (YouTube, ~~porn~~ comedy, information etc) or bad (crappy geek websites full of toss about minor characters from sci fi shows) Sadly, this website about Star wars and the "deep" meaning about it, is one of the latter. But read it anyways.

I love Kate Winslet. She's smart, she's funny, and she comes from Reading. Read this article and love her too.

The new CG movie "Meet The Robinsons" is coming soon. Here is a nice sneak peek of the character designs and posters.

Cookie Monster, the best muppet, lets fly an F-Bomb.

Captain America gets a new theme tune.

Here is a nice featurette about the Transformers Movie, which will probably suck.

Fancy watching the awesome comedy Office Space recut as a horror movie?

Casino Royale is almost out in the cinemas. Will it suck? Will it rock? Will it be better than Timothy Dalton's Bond? (Of course not) either way, have a look at some promo pics. You can read about the people who failed to get the role of Bond aswell.

Bored? You must be, you're reading this website (yeah, alright, cheers. - ed) Anyhoo, have a look at these portrait pics and guess who's behind the mask.

Sometimes, no matter how good a movie is, someone's gonna fuck things up.

Yeah, you know we at Watchmen Towers (which is kinda like Castle Greyskull, fact fans) have a thing for zombie movies. When we say "thing" we mean we can't get enough of them. When we say "can't get enough of them" we mean we watch them obsessively. Anyways, bearing that in mind, its no wonder that the news of the new George A Romero zombie flick "Diary of the Dead" made us pee just a little with excitement.

Here are 10 good reasons why Lego is the best fucking toy EVER.

Google is running a compatition to design a new logo that "represents England the best". Yeah I couldn't think of an idea either.

Sprouts are the food of Satan. Kill them all.

Jesus, all that typing has worn me out.

To finish things off, here is the Cooper Temple Clause with the video to Who Needs Enemies

"No, no. No, see this is a really shit idea. You know why? Because it's really obviously a shit idea. "

2006-11-07T21:28:00.000Z

Now then it looks like the sequel to the brilliant 28 Days Later.. is finally kicking in a gear.

Set 28 weeks after the first film (funny that) the story continues:

"Britain has been emptied. There's nobody there. It's completely dead. And six months later the United States Army has restored order and is repopulating the quarantined city. In the first wave of returning refugees, a family is reunited - but one of them unwillingly carries a terrible secret. The virus is not yet dead, and this time, it is more dangerous than ever"

Sounds good eh?

If that's got you interested, you can follow this link of some raw test footage of Begbie, yes Begbie from Trainspotting getting chased by lots and lots of crazed angry people. Marvelous.

He came, he saw, he swam.

2006-11-05T13:53:00.000Z

Sad news viewers.

Unfortunately, Vyvian, the last Watchmen Fish, has died, joining his old buddy Neil in the big aquarium in the sky. Vyv had been battling Fin-rot disease the last few days, but it was all too much for the little fella.

(artists impression of the Ghost of Vyvian leaving for better waters)

Peace out Vyv.

Every Day is Halloween

2006-10-30T08:00:00.000Z

Hello viewers!

Today is a special Watchmen Update. For two reasons really: One it's Halloween, so there will be a horror themed link based extravaganza for you. And secondly, for the third time straight, this post is mahoosive. Make the most of it, because sooner or later I'll run out of things to talk about again. I know, me, who'd a thought it.

Anyways, brace yourself, fix the crucifix to the door and power up your chainsaw, for it's time to see what's in the cellar making that strange noise..

Halloween is the time for kids to dress up and go trick or treating. But it's also an excuse for adults to dress like this. Not that I'm complaining at all.(NSFW)

If you are looking for a costume to wear, you could check out this genuine TV advert for a costume sale. Genius! This costume however is brilliant!

Bullz Eye has the best monster movies for your consideration whilst MSN has the 5 best Werewolf Movies

What happens when the careers dry up for Sci-Fi characters and action heroes? Well, they end up like everyone else, looking for work in agencies.

Here are a couple of Halloween games to play. One is kinda like Tetris but with skulls, the other is a platform shoot'em up. (Shockwave required)

The BBC has some spooky pics sent in from viewers

And as a special treat, here is the entire Night Of The Living Dead movie

Just watch out for them later...

Ok, some real intelligence stuff now. You can have a look at a nifty shockwave presentation on 'Biometric Technology'. What's that you ask? Well it's the technology used to scan your body and face to see if you are who you say you are.

The use of Aerial photography is changing the way we live and the world works.

Sometimes, you don't need to say anything, just look at this image and laugh at life's little gems.

Ever not sure of the exact time and date? Well, worry yea not. For here is a quite dandy shockwave calendar for you.

Another hot summer, another California fire. You can view quite scary pictures here.

Every now and then, I find myself asking "Yeah the internet, what is it really for?" and then I find the answer. The internet exists so it can bring us websites like "Cats that look like Hitler". That's time and money well spent.

It's not all evil cats though, you can find some awesome footage of cute dogs. Awww.

If you have a free half hour, you can try out this great tutorial on photoshop and how to turn your pic into popart.

There are some really interesting theories about why girls like Dirty Dancing.

Fans of The Departed can read all about the comparisons with Internal Affairs

You can have a look at some classic images of classic starlets

Sod Snakes on A Plane. I wanna watch this:

Fancy a look at some new filmstills from the upcoming Rocky Movie?

Mike Figgis has made a film about London

The trailer for the Good German is out and it looks great. On to watch, me thinks.

And finally, play along to the Dirty Pretty Things' Road Safety Game Which is nicer than it sounds. Honest.

Have a good Halloween :)

We dare you to try to change our minds.

2006-10-26T12:46:00.000+01:00

OOoo an icon. That's exciting, isn't it?-------------------------->

Hello viewers, this is quite a large post, but it's packed full of Watchmen Goodness

Modern life, it has to be said, is pretty stressful. Believe me, I know first hand the effects of stress :( Anyways, before I pull up a couch and spill out my guts to you about problems and the like, let me show you the places to go if you need a tranquil life. For luckily, our friends at the BBC have provided a nifty graphic of the most tranquil areas of Great Britain. Unsurprisingly, large cities are the cause of most noise and shit.

Years and years ago (10 infact) there used to be a TV show on BBC2 called 'This Life'. It was all about shaggin' drinkin' and living life after uni. You know, the time when you realise that life really is rubbish and all your dreams will probably not happen. Great eh? Anyways, I loved the show and it portrayed 20-somethings in a very realistic light. Something I'm realising more and more each day. Well, to get back on subject (about bloody time - Ed) the BBC is bringing back a one off episode to show what happened to the characters.. Except one will not be returning.

A while back, I reported on the frankly biblical sized Sand-Storms in Iraq. Well, it seems it's time for a recap. This time with video! Hurrah!

Sometimes, there is a fine line between genius Halloween pranks, and utter tasteless crap. But which is it? You decide.

Now, this really is awesome. But I can think of better uses for all this money Like funding my never ending ~~crack whore addiction~~ quest for The Sword of Capurnicous.

From the makers of Shaun of the Dead, comes the new police comedy fillum "Hot fuzz". You can view the first teaser trailer here.

Also on YouTube is the music video for "The Decision" by The Young Knives. Which is all manner of aces.

And the new video to the brand spanking new Cooper Temple Clause song "Homo sapiens" which is frickin' awesome. I'm the guy driving the jeep btw.

I recently talked about the upcoming film 300 which looks mighty. You can now have a look at the original comic frame comparisons to the final screen shot to see how closely they are following the book.

The Independent has a good article about Martin Scorsese Worth a read. I watched his new film The Departed last night. It's a very good film. Gory and bloody at times but well written and acted. Not as good as Goodfellas, but what is?

And now, my Zombie Fan friends, you can take a butchers at the new teaser trailer for The Day Of the Dead remake. Now, you all know I have a well documented love of the zombie genre, so I'll be watching this. I don't care if it's crap or not, it's got zombies in so automatically, it's cool. UNDERSTAND?

Hey culture fans, do you fancy having a look at the works of photographer Peter Henry Emerson? Good, cos he has an upcoming exhibition coming up. Details are in the link, so go check it out.

Here is the first pic of the next Shrek movie. cunningly titled "Shrek the Third". Wow. That's all manner of genius. Am I the only one that doesn't find those movies to be that great? They have the occasional moments.. but other than that, they are naff.

The firewall baitingly named website the "Horny Lobster" has the 10 best Family Guy moments for your consideration.

Some net geeks with Photoshop have too much time on their hands.

and lastly, today, you can also view and enjoy the Top 40 Movie Music Moments in film history. Whether you agree with them or not, is another matter.

That's your lot for now. Now do yourself a favour and watch the Cooper Temple Clause video again.

Beee Ba Da Be Ba Baaaa, Ba Da Baaaa

2006-10-22T11:21:00.000+01:00

Hello viewers, brace yourself for another thrilling update of news. "We trawl through shit so you don't have to"™

FISH UPDATE: I'm sure many of you are having sleepless nights over the state of Vyvian, the Watchmen Fish. Well, so far, after a few touch-and-go moments, Vyv seems to be recovering slowly. It's not all clear yet, but he's perked up a bit. Keep your fingers and flippers crossed my fish fan friends.

In the film world, there are these things called "Deleted scenes" and they usually make Fan-Boys (or Girls) salivate at the mouth. These scenes are usually taken out for a reason, running time too long, dodgy effects etc etc etc. Sometimes, some real gems get lost, never to be seen again. Other times, a ton of crap is rightly cut out (X-men 3 anyone?) anyways, here are the "10 most absurd Deleted Scenes of all time"

Do you want to check out the winning logo in the "Design a logo for the EU's 50th Birthday Celebration"? You do? Well, don't get too excited because a) It's dated as hell, and b) it looks like a certain chocolate Celebrations logo.

Hey look, it's a cat on a Treadmill.

LA to New York, time lapse style.

Have a look at the winning entries of the Shell Wildlife Photographer of the Year award. Nice but at the same time it freaks me out.Whilest on a photo theme have a look at these lovely ones from around the world.

Now, some people for some reason, have a hard on for David Hasslehoff. I don't know why, the man is a gimp. Anyways, if it's not "The Hoff" as his acolytes call him, it's Chuck Norris. Well, I see your Norris and raise you one Kurt Russell. Yes, friends, KURT. Star of fantastic films like Escape from New York, The Thing, Tombstone, Big Trouble in Little China (Indeed!) Tango and Cash and Escape from LA. All fine fine movies. Anyways, someone else values the efforts of Kurt and has a nice written piece on him.

You can view some of the staggeringly beautiful screenshots of the new Frank Miller movie "300". It looks like it's going to be another case of style over content, but with images that good, who's complaining?

Somewhere, a man called Phil Roberts is going to be very happy about this news.

Now, long term readers of Watchmen will know we have a thing for zombies. (No, not like that, you bunch of freaks) anyways, years and years ago, we did a write up of The Zombie Survival Guide, a brilliant book that informs you just how to survive the undead apocalypse. Should it happen. Anyways, there is now a sequel to the book, cunningly titled World War Z. It looks good. My copy is on order now. Check out the website to fill out a questionnaire to see if you would survive the zombie wrath. If any of you score low, you better hit the Zombie Defence website to learn some tips, like why using a domestic cat as a weapon against zombies, isn't the best idea ever.

Art fans are stupid.

And finally, Pyro, the best character from X2, who was unforgivably under-used in X3 , is revealed to not be a bad guy, just a misunderstood scatman:

:( :(

2006-10-18T22:31:00.000+01:00

You may remember that a few months ago, Neil, the official Watchmen Fish, passed away after contracting Swim Bladder disease.

He left behind Vivyan, another goldfish to carry on the torch.

(note: not actually Vivyan)

Sadly though, we have to report that Vivyan now has Fin-Rot, and is in a very bad way. We don't know if he will make it, only the next few days will tell.

Life really is bollocks at times.

:(

And this..

2006-10-16T13:05:00.000+01:00

..is my favourite song of the year so far.

Lush.

Hi.

2006-10-12T15:59:00.000+01:00

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

A fan of Lord Of the Rings tries to watch all the movies back to back in a cinema one night. She fails. No surprise there. I tried it once, but didnt even make the end of the first movie.

Seseame Street, the long running childrens show has apprently changed the world in seven ways. Yeah, ok, it's good and helps educate kids, but they still made Cookie Monster a wussy veg eating fool. Heathens.

Hey kids, do you like tattoos? Well, you know when your mum say's "Ohh, you'll regret it when you're older"? Well, she might actually be telling the truth. Check out these beauties. Nice eh?

Some very old movie memorabilia goes on auction.

Elsewhere, Family Guy inspires local artists to put on a exhibiton. Nice, but.. pointless?

Ridley Scott has made some amazing films. You can check out ten of the best here. I've met Ridley once. Well when I say met, I mean shared an elevator with him. True Story.

The trailer to Grind House, the new Tarantino/Rodriguez flick, has finally appeared and it looks FRICKIN' AWESOME It looks really good. It has zombies in it, and me, as a disgruntled ex-naxy Seal. Living on the edge, avenging the common people with my deadly skills, trying to find my long lost partner. In the movie you wonder? No, my friends, only in my incredible real life.

The Tate Modern (which we established is my favourite gallery) has just installed giant slides. Could they get any better?

Ah the 80's movie. The last source of fantastic music montages. Here are some of the best for your consideration.

So, geek boys, do you ever sit up wondering what would happen if like Robocop would like fight the Terminator? You do?! Would you like to see? You would?! Okay then click ME!!!!!

Kevin Spacey does a mean impression of Christoper Walken. And nothing's funnier than Chris Walken auditioning for Star Wars

Some famous album artwork comes to life and does battle. No really. Watch it.

Halloween is a'coming and here are some cool horror t-shirts for you to wear with flair.

Wanna see the new poster for the new Rocky film? Then click me.

Wanna see the new posters and stills for Saw 3? Then click me.
I Like the Rocky one. But then it is based on a story of my life, except mine took place in hampshire, not Brooklyn.

That's your lot. I'm off to avenge someones death.

"Do you wanna see something scary?"

2006-10-08T11:45:00.000+01:00

Good day viewers.

Todays WWTW is a cinematic affair. And by that I don't mean strangers meeting on a train and contemplating a liason of sorts. Oh no, today will be about great films, music videos and other stuff I found on YouTube. So if you are viewing this website through a work/college firewall, you are piss out of luck, as the links will not work. Damn the capitalist pigs, eh?

First things first, here are two of the best beginnings to films ever. Watch and enjoy. And I bet you'll want to watch the rest of the films after.

The next one, well this happened to me once. True story (except it wasnt Dan Ackroyd).

I'll never listen to the 'Midnight Special' the sameway ever again.

Ok, onwards and upwards: remember Biff "make like a tree and leaf" Tannen from the Back To The Future movies? Of course you do. He's a classic character in a classic set of movies.

(tannen, on the left, destroying some net geek)

Well, the actor who play's him gets asked all sorts of questions and well, someones pushed him too far.. click me to see Biff cut loose

Anyone worth their salt knows this song and this movie. The best use of music in a scene ever. Next time you have a shitty day at work, just think of this song, and you too can be a gangsta.

Ah, V For Vendetta. I love thee so. And here is one of the best scenes for the movie. When V shows us just how handy he is with his "kung-fu and knives".

And then view the second best sequence in the whole film: the story of Valerie. Btw, if you havent seen this film (and you suck if you havent) these scenes are spoiler-ific.

Have a look at the new Ghost Rider poster. It's ok, but there will be more, I'm sure. I'm still not convinced this isn't going to suck.

Plus-44, the new band featuring former members of Blink 182, Mark Hoppus and Travis Barker have revealed the new video to single "When your heart stops beating". It sounds and looks great.. not much change from Blink, but better than AVA, that's for sure.

What happens when Film School meets a broken relationship? Well, something that goes badly wrong. A very funny short film that features some choice language, so dont play it loud at work. And remember, girls are not to be trusted.

Elsewhere in the real world, you can view the horrific plight of Katrina's victims here. Shocking stuff really. Also, check out the news of a massive creature unearthed in the Artic. Relax, it's looooong dead.

And anyone fancy living on a remote island, far from technology and modern culture, surrounded by ~~crazed inbred farmers, sharpening their axes for the coming biblical armagedden~~ sheep and a few country types? Well, you could be in luck, as there is an island in need of some families. I would go, but y'know, I have to run this place, otherwise the world will end or something.

Ok, that's your lot. See you next time, pop pickers.

In an age that is utterly corrupt, the best policy is to do as others do.

2006-10-02T19:26:00.000+01:00

Hello boys and girls,

Are you all well? I do hope so.

Did you like V For Vendetta? Of course you did, otherwise you wouldnt be reading this blog, as you'd have no taste. Anyways, you can now check out the shooting script for the film. There are quite a few differences between it and the final version. The final version is better.

Someone has thrown together a list of the best sidekicks of all time. Interesting. Pointless but interesting.

Here are some quality t-shirt designs for ladies. But beware, these pictures and their slogans are not remotely suitable for office in anyway. Still, they look great.My personal favourite is "Fuck me - I'm white trash" Classy.

The four finalists for the Turner Prize have been revealed. You can check it out at the Tate Britain or just look at some examples here. In France however, a new gallery is being made. Hurrah!

Ever felt like something was missing from your life? Sometimes an empty hollow feeling? Well, it could be because you havent seen Matthew McConaughey fly in Star Wars. Feel better now? Thought as much.

Talking of Star Wars, you can view Darth Vadar being a twonk here.

The BBC have created a new set of idents for their broadcasting channels. You can view them here. They look great. Not as good as the BBC 2 one's but hey, it's still all good. the Hippo one makes me hungry . I have no idea why.

New York New York, so good they named it twice. Some people have put together a lovely presentation of key filming locations of the city. So check it out and listen to Odyssey's lush Native New Yorker whilest doing so.

In film news, you can have a butchers at Bruce Willis shooting on location for Die Hard 4.

And also this week, you can view the new video to All Saints new single "Rock Steady" on YouTube. It looks fantastic. Great photography and setting. They all look hot-to-trot to (Natalie was my favourite, fact fans)

And here is the video to the new My Chemical Romance single "Welcome to the Black Parade", where the lead singer seems to have become Billy Corgan.

Marvellous.

An update!

2006-09-25T14:07:00.000+01:00

Hello ~~Rob~~ Viewers!

(The Official Watchmen Bear)

We're back. Yes, after many many requests to return and update you on the current going's on of The World™ and all it's wonderful creations, we have decided to post something. If it's shit, you have only yourselves to blame.

First things first, it seems the Sun is killing England's green grass. Lordy.

I can assure you that this article is true.

It seems that the Tate Modern (my favourite gallery, fact fans) is going to expand into a horrific glass structure. Nice.

Here are some pics of the new Retro Superhero stamps. If you liek that sort of thing.

Remember "Castaway"? The BBC series about some incompatable people being put on a remote Scottish island? Well, there is gonna be a second series.. this one set on a more tropical location. I may see if I can get on it.

Been to a kick-ass party recently? Wanna show the world your photos of "hilarious" encounters and drunken "fun"? Well, lucky you, there is a website for you to send your pics to, to feel some sort of self worth. Click on Last Nights Party (Slightly nsfw)

The trailer for The Bridge looks really good, but slightly creepy. It's about a documentry team witnessing numerous suicides off Golden Gate Bridge in San Fransico over the course of a year. So it's not a comedy then. I'm gonna watch it though, because I'm interested in creepy stuff like that.

Hey kids! Wanna know what real punk is like? Then lucky for you, you can go to a new exhibition on Punk Rock, it's music and it's fashions at the Barbican very soon. Yippee Hooray!

Caution: Mixing sweets with your drinks can be hazardous.

Oh dear, who didnt see this coming? It seems poor poor Michelle Dewberry has been dropped by Alan Sugar. Can't say I was surprised - but it's a real shame. She's not had the best year since winning it. Still, Sugar should never have turned down Paul.

Wanna see the first pics of the new Harry Potter movie? Then click me, wizard fans.

Remember the great Watchmen Music Retrospectives? Well, happily, another website has done one on Pulp, one of the best Brit Pop bands ever. So I don't have to. Sweet! clicky clicky.

And finally, we leave you with the terrifyingly bonkers video to Muse's "Knights of Cydonia"

Enjoy.

Ask and you shall get.

2006-09-23T16:51:00.000+01:00

Hello.

Normal service will be resumed shortly.

Farewell & Goodnight

2006-08-04T22:55:00.000+01:00

Who Watches The Watchmen is on hiatus for a while, as all the staff are on holiday for the next couple of weeks. So you'll just have to cope without all the bags of info till then.

I know, how ever will you survive?

It starts in my belly, and then in my mouth..

2006-07-22T16:47:00.000+01:00

Hello viewers!

A movie filled post for you this week. Basically loads of trailers, and all of them are in Quicktime, so if you can't view that, you are piss out of luck.

Kicking things off, is the new animated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Hmmm. I dunno, the Turtles weren'tthat great to begin with, but the animation is pretty cool. Could be good, could be bad.

There are two great music documentaries coming out, one about John Lennon and how the US Government got awful pissed with him.The other is about the American Hardcore Music scene. They both look interesting. I'm gonna go with the hardcore one though, cos well, it looks funnier.

You can view the trailer to The Fountain, a movie set in the past, present and future, dealing with a romance and eternal life. Sounds deep.

What do you get if you mix Sin City with A Scanner Darkly? Well, Renaissance, that's what. It looks iffy. Some of the animation is great, but other parts (the faces) look terrible. Plus once you get past the visuals, you sorta think, what's the point?

Ed Norton and the biblically hot Jessica Biel return in The Illusionist, a "supernatural detective thriller" apparently. It looks interesting though

And finally, it seems the trend for 3d computer animation movies is still dragging on, with The Ant Bully, which looks like someone just mixed Antz with Honey, I shrunk the kids. Who says originality is dead?

And now, as an extra treat, you can view the marvelous video to Goldfrapp's quite wonderful "Pilots". An oldie, but a goldie:

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd as I'm so good to you, here is the video to "Rooftops" from Lostprophets. (Okay, I know, I hated this when I first heard it, but it's grown on me, and the kick drum breakdown near the end is great I tells you)

"The puss! The Pain! The Black Voodoo!"

2006-07-14T17:01:00.000+01:00

This is why the Mighty Boosh is better than anything else.

2006-07-14T11:00:00.000+01:00

Hello viewers!

I must apologise for the recent lack of activity. No excuse really, just lack of enthusiasm and time and well, nothing of note to report.

If it's any help, there will soon be a "stunning" picture report on belt buckles and T-shirts. Exciting? YOU BET. So keep your peepers peeled.

Old news and other gubbins from the big wide world of the net:

JK Rowling is going to kill off two maincharacters in the final Harry Potter book. Well, I'm betting it's Harry and Voldermort. Pretty obvious.

Some kids in Africa are insane.

Women! Fed up of Lad Mag Culture? Then rest easy, for here is women's alternative.

Check out some pictures of the changing landscape of Britain.

Film news of a worrying kind: It seems there will be an adaption of the horror book "I Am legend". Guess who's penciled in to play the middle class, white English character? Will Smith. That amazing bit of casting has already prompted zero amount of faith from the books fans. I don't blame them. I've read the book, and man is it bleak. I'm talking, 'Seven' bleak. I'm talking. "My god, I hate that character and I'm depressed as hell" bleak.

Still, I'm sure Will Smith will release a tie-in jaunty rap pop song to cheer us up with.

Wanna see how the techno wiz types created some of the Marlon Brando footage in Superman Returns? Then click this link to a handy multimedia presentation.

Photoshop in action: See the pics of before and after airbrushing with Christina Agularia. Too be fair, it's not too damaging. Just a little colour tweaking. She's still very photogenic.

Have a look at some stunning birds eye view photography.

If you live in London, or Norfolk, you may want to think about some water damage protection. Or just move to somewhere higher. Like erm, Ben Nevis perhaps.

"Addddddddddddddddrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannn!!!" Rocky Balboa is back!

And finally, here is the new teaser poster for Spider-Man 3. Gloomy.

:(

2006-07-02T16:40:00.000+01:00

Sadly, the official Watchmen Fish; Neil, died earlier today.

(This isn't him, but he looked a lot similar.)

Neil wasn't the biggest fish in the pond so to speak, but what he did, he did with style.

He had unsuccessfully fought Swim Bladder disease throughout the week. Maybe England getting knocked out of the World Cup was just too much for the old chap.

RIP Neil :(

More than meets the eye.

2006-06-30T18:35:00.000+01:00

Awesome trailer for Spider-Man 3 and a terrible trailer for Transformers The Movie.

To say I'm excited is an understatment.

The domino's fall..

2006-06-25T22:32:00.000+01:00

So, my weekend kicked off to a great start: A fucking ~~rabbit~~ huge terrible rabid beast from Hell, spitting fire and bee's from it's mouth, ~~cut~~ tore my hand open with its ~~ickle fluffy pores~~ razor sharp nails.

The little bastard.

And it's my good hand aswell. So one hand is messed up with tendonitous, the other is now missing parts. God hates me. He really really does.

Look at it. All fluffy and harmless, but that's what it wants you to think. The moment your back is turned it'll be planning to kill you, assimilate your life and bang your Mrs.

Anyways, thankfully, I have an armada of Uoompa Lumpas at my control, so they are typing this for me. True story.

There is a good article about why Hollywood makes sequels, and why most suck, except for greatest sequel of all time - Mad max: the Road Warrior. Darn tootin'.

Talking of sequels, before you see Superman Returns, check out this footage of how they brought Marlon Brando back for the film. You can then listen to parts of the new score for the film, which contains John Williams original theme. There is also an interview with Kevin Spacey about his upcoming role.

Fans of Harry Potter will soon have the chance to see him again, IMAX style.

Over at the BBC, they have news on hippies gathering at Stonehenge to chant some mystical crap and smoke weed. And some worrying images of sea surges in the US. They also have some great footage and articles on "Parkour", a new sport that's emerging in the cities. You can check out how to do it if you are tempted or insane.

Rivers Cuomo of Weezer got married. Awwww.

And finally...

Oooooooooo.

Llama Llama Duck.

2006-06-19T22:41:00.000+01:00

Llama: Gorgeous.

The 30 Second Bunny's do Superman. I dunno. I think they're losing it.

Some techno wiz types had created a game for anyone still sore from 9/11. Tasteless or funny? You decide.

Ever wondered what an X-Men cartoon would be like if it was redubbed with tons of swearing and pimp references? Well, wonder no longer and watch "I'm the Juggernaut, BITCH!". (Not remotely suitable for office in any way)

Next time the office photocopier is playing up and you think about hitting it, think again. Cos it may just transform into a robot and kick your ass.

Are people with Tattoo's unfairly treated? One lady thinks so.

Have a butchers at a community living next to an ice flow. Which is a world away from the latest designs in architecture.

If that doesnt float your boat, then read about Whales, and how they are gonna die soon.

Anyone remember Sayid, the complete twonk from The Apprentice? Well, he could well be doing some time in jail. Goodo.

And finally, anyone like Llamas? I do, they're fucking cool. Not as cool as Meercats, granted, but you know, they're cooler than a fuckin gerbil, that's for sure. Anyways, if you do, then brace yourself, for here is a song about the mighty Llama. And some ducks.

WORD.

There's some people on the pitch...

2006-06-15T21:38:00.000+01:00

Now, it's come to my attention from one of our many many viewers, that there is a demand for a "football related article" on Watchmen. So, as I work on a supply and demand function, here is the first, and possibly last football related post ever:

Apparently, football consists of men running around a pitch in their shorts, kicking one of these:

...into one of these:

A "Goal" yesterday.

Now, call me crazy, but I just don't get football. It's just not for me. And there are far better sports to watch on tv. For instance, my personal favourite; Womens Beach Volleyball

A sport of champions. And very fit women.

And when I say 'fit' I mean healthy. So shut up.

I've always enjoyed this sport more than football, it's just more dynamic, and I prefer it when they score cos, because this:

...is always more exciting than watching men hug each other in a homoerotic ceremony.

In all seriousness though, football is alright, but it's just not for the Watchmen. I'm not bothered by the World Cup, cos the same things happens everytime: The press and media hype our team to unreachable levels, and then destroy them when they can't live up to the expectation. Yeah, we have some good players, but we're not amazing. Give them a break and just accept that we probably wont win it.

And anyways, on a purely shallow level, it's more fun watching this:

..than watch this man run around a pitch for 90 minutes:

Rooney: As dumb as he looks.

....and on that related note. I just got back from watching The Omen remake. Man, that is some messed up crap right there. I'll never look at dogs the same way again :(

Elsewhere in webworld:

I'd like to own a Sea Fort
The poster for 'Bug'has been revealed
You can check out the top 10 Movie Chase Scenes EVER
Dustin Diamond 'star' of such TV shows as 'Saved By the Bell' and er..'Saved by The Bell: The New Class", is asking for you to help pay for his house to stop him being homeless, because he's famous for playing a complete twat; "Screech Powers". Whatacock.
Attention comic book fans: Spider-Man has revealed his identity to the whole world. Righto.

And before I leave you for the weekend, here's another great reason to watch Volleyball:

Mmmm. Athletic.

God's gonna set this world on fire.

2006-06-12T09:11:00.000+01:00

And when he does, I hope he starts with Aldershot.

Last night, I dreamnt about having an arguement with a car salesman in a hotel about All Saints and the trials of teen pregnancy.

Anyone want to explain that one to me? How about you Natalie?

oh. Hmm.

Anyway, Nelly Furtado goes straight into Number 1 in the UK charts with Maneater. Good. I told you it was a good song. And it's much better than the rest of the utter crap that's out. If you don't like it, then you are a snob with no taste. And yes, I am talking about you here, Rob.

And in keeping with the recent Transformers news, I found this the other day, and it's very funny. (For about the first 30 seconds)

Lordy.

2006-06-09T09:47:00.000+01:00

The official ~~Independence Day 2~~ Transformers The Movie is website is here.

UPDATE!:

You can check out some concept pictures of Optimus Prime and some sweet CGI test footage

SCREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Links Ahoy!

2006-06-07T20:15:00.000+01:00

Loads of stuff from all over the web for you today, so enjoy:

Fan of Spider-Man? keen to hear all the goss on the latest film? Then click this link, my friend. Then do some er.. web slinging.
Sometimes, Kareoke can be a thing of pleasure. For instance, the time the entire Family Guy cast do Journey. I rock at Kareoke. But then, I have the voice of an angel.
Chuck ~~pallanunck~~.. ~~palaknu~~.. Palahniuk, author of Fight Club and the owner of the worlds most ridiculous surname, has a piece in the Guardian, talking about horror movies.
Jackass The Movie: 2 is coming.
Are you a fan of Lost? Annoyed with their endless gubbins of plot twists? Then take a look at the Lost Random Theory Generator to have a look at other peoples ideas on what the hell is going on.
England! Enough of this football bollocks! Our Voles need us!
Have a look at the early life of Anne Frank, before all the bad things happened.
Channel 4 has launched its own brand spanking new radio station.
Movie trailers for you: The Wicker Man, which looks interesting.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: the Beginning, which is so scary, it can only be viewed between 10pm and 4am. Marketing ploy anyone? And finally,My Super Ex-Girlfriend, which looks great, and has the fantasticly awesome Uma Thurman in it.

Thurman: Superangry

Lovely.

Now I'm off to sing to the masses. TTFN.

If You're Looking For The Truth, You've Come To The Wrong Place.

2006-06-02T15:50:00.000+01:00

"My name is Tom Van Vallen. Or is it Danny Parker? I don't know anymore. Maybe I'll let you decide. Maybe you can help me, friend. As you can see, I don't have a hell of a lot of time left. Avenging Angel or just plain old Judas? Loving Husband? Prodigal son? The prince of Denmark? All of these? None of these? You decide, friend. You decide."

And so begins one of the greatest films ever; The Salton Sea.

You probably haven't seen The Salton Sea. It wouldn't surprise me, for not many people have. It never got a cinema release in the UK, and doesn't feature heavily on the DVD rental shelf. No, The Salton Sea is one of those gems that seem destined to be lost forever.

I bought the movie a few years ago, simply because I saw a picture of Val Kilmer sporting an amazing haircut on the cover. That's probably not a great reason to buy a movie or recommend it, but seriously, the haircut deserves a credit of it's own. Anyways, as I watched the movie it became very clear that it was going to be something very different and very good.

Kilmer: Hair.

To tell you too much of what happens would be to spoil the film, but I assure you this: You will have no idea what to expect in this film, or what will happen. One minute you're watching a movie about drug takers and speed freaks in LA, the next you're watching something totally different.

It begins like an American take on Trainspotting, with Danny (Val Kilmer - sporting some amazing tattoos) talking us through the introduction to Speed in the US, drug party's and why a man is playing a trumpet in a room that is burning down around him.

Soon you are immersed in a world of the "tweeker", trumpet solos, a character with no nose called "Pooh Bear", JFK assassination reconstructions, and a whole sequence about the attempted theft of a famous actors stool sample. I kid ye not.

When people tell you "nothing is what it seems" it really does apply here. Don't look for twists, you'll never see them coming. Just watch the movie. Then watch it again and marvel about how much really was going on.

The ending of the film is incredibly uplifting and features the best use of a Moby song EVER. The acting throughout the film is very good, and though the film is weird, it does contain believable characters and scenarios. Bar the Capt. Spaulding sequence. Ahem.

Anyways, if that has grabbed your interest, you can read more at the IMDB or visit the Official site which features the trailer of the film, some scenes and general stuff.